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...a male & female point of view...We are two former coworkers who share similar ideas on what's absurd...or just plain funny...thought we could offer a unique view on life & stuff...

Thursday, September 30, 2004

 

You've touched me...

...Not.
Actually, I'd like you to touch me. So much for the mature relationship, huh?
You got me all weepy, now I need to know one thing...when are you leaving your husband so we can bang the hell out of each other?

-Dick
 

Dick

...and Dick wonders why he's having problems in his relationship?! (See the previous 2 posts). I mean...REALLY! I love the heck out of him...he knows I do...but...come on! First of all, he says he withholds sex from his girlie...I DO NOT THINK SO! I'm sure he wishes he could (actually, I'm not too sure about this one after all). I pretty much think...if she wants it...he's doing it!

I know Dick pretty well, we worked together at 2 former jobs. At the first one, he mentally tortured the hell out of a young me (more on that at a later date). At the seconds place of employment that we have in common, we had a more mature, adult kind of relationship. You know, we had that mutual respect thing going for us (she said, sarcastically).

We don't work together now...we chat on our cell phones & text each other. I'll admit, I miss the bastard (said with nothing but love) if I don't hear from him in more than a couple of days. Dick is the kind of person who ALWAYS says what he feels & for that...I'll never call him a bastard for long : )

~Chick
 

My God

"Let me tell you something sister, in this house you are good for two things. One, blowjobs and two, sandwiches. I'm not in the mood for head and I had a late breakfast, so you are shit out of luck"

Dennis Leary- posted by Dick
 

Answer: MASTURBATION

Chick, I know how you feel, (probably soft and somewhat firm). Which brings me to my point. Every once in a while I will have to punish my lady and with hold the pipe of pleasure from her. In those rare down times I like to do something for "me". I'm sure Dr. Phil would agree, it wouldn't be healthy for me to hold everything in, I need some sort of release...
The great thing about this is during my "alone" time I'm screwing everyone from the Queen of England (wearing nothing but her tiara) to the 14 foot bud lite lady on Rt. 17 billboard. And sometimes they're all together.
Then when I absolve my woman of her sins and let her have my rod and shaft, it is like a win/win situation. I have basically just fucked everyone of her friends in my head and she realizes how good she has it with me on top of her. -Dick

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

 

Work

What happened to my life lately? Here...basically...is my day:

Wake up
Breakfast
Shower
Drive to work
Work
Gym
Lunch
Work
Drive home
Dinner
TV
Sleep

See anything missing here? I don't know...it kinda jumps out at you, doesn't it?!

All I can say is...if I could replace work with sex in this bleak schedule of my day, I might have more of a smile on my face...and we'd all be a lot happier, wouldn't we?
~Chick

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

 

Goals

I hate it when I'm forced to do anything, thanks Chick. I'm sorry Dick hasn't contributed lately, that may be due to Dick has a LIFE!!! Ok... sorry, chick. I must say I do owe Chick some thanks because I just read about her nice curves and picturing her in the soft light of a Victoria's secret dressing room in some sexy teddy....well...I just want to say thanks, and it's hard to type with two sticky fingers.
What I wouldn't give to have seen that, men need a visual when they...ahem. I mean Chick, I've known you for a long time and I pretty much can come up with the image in my head already, except for the one or two freckles or beauty marks that I may miss, oh and "do you shave?" It'll help me visualize if you know what I mean.
So what's been going on with me you ask? Good question.
If you look at my life, friends, family, wealth..etc. compare that to the rest of the world I guess I would be very fortunate top 20% probably. That's not saying much for this world though. I'm 38 overweight (again), changing jobs (again), in a shitty relationship (again), and I pray every FUCKING night "God PLEASE take my ex!!!" Why can't she die? I know to some that might sound harsh, but what's wrong in wishing someone go quicker to a place where eventually we all are going to go?
Ok so this is my plan...I'm going to walk/jog to my new employment, with all the extra time I have on my hands from not commuting 100 miles ONE WAY, I will set up my weights in the basement and finally get on a routine of exercise, some people can't work out at their jobs. I know without a doubt I can get myself in good shape in no time, after all I've done it before. Then when I'm looking hot ripped and sexy, I will then ask my friend Chick to go shopping with me, then I will get the visual of the freckles. AND THAT IS MY PLAN!!! -Dick
 

Where in The World is Dick??

Dick has not been seen (I have an old photo that I could post...& he WON'T like it either!) or heard from in forever here. I might add that it was his idea to start this blog together. He said it would be fun. Just like a man...get you all excited about something, have some fun, then...disappear!
 

& How is YOUR Day Going?

Today, I woke up with such suddenness that I instantly had an awesome headache. My neighbor seemed to be mowing his lawn at SEVEN O'CLOCK in the morning! I really would not have minded at all, if lawn mowing was a nice, quiet activity that had nothing to do with extremely loud sounds that tend to shatter your soul. How could he not know...or care that he was bothering us lazyass people who insist on sleeping past sun up?! I don't recommend this was of waking up...at all! I spent the next hour showering, getting dressed & arguing with myself over the decision to take an Advil or not. By the time I actually swallowed the damn little blue pill, the ache in my head was huge & threatening to take over my entire day.

I'm happy to say that the Advil medicated me somewhat, but I still feel the edges of pain creeping in from the sides of my brain. Who knows...maybe it's anger...not pain. & it could be growing....because it's mid afternoon & I'm still obsessively mad at the way I was forced out of my sleep & into my day. My neighbor will never have any clue as to how he rudely ruined my day...& if he knew, I'll bet the bastard wouldn't care anyway...
~Chick

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