Angels & Demons. The great book that I’m in the middle of reading.

Belgium. My friend is coming in from Belgium tonight to see me...so exciting.

Cashmere. Received a luxuriously beautiful sweater for Christmas.

Diamond. I lost my diamond earring this weekend. (There will be hell to pay).

E-mail. Got an e-mail today from an ex-boyfriend. (The stalker...should I be worried?!).

Football. I won the football pool this week, with eleven wins. (Yay).

Giants. Hubby's team. They lost yet another one.

Horoscope. Mine says that I’ll be in touch with my emotions today (we’ll fucking see...).

Itch. Last night I had a dream that I had an itch I couldn’t scratch (my skin’s still crawling).

Jam. What I dripped on my blouse this morning & had to change.

Kate Spade. The designer who creates the shoes & bags I’d do almost anything to possess.

Late. I was late to work this morning. (It had something to do with having to change my sticky blouse at the last minute).

Mellow. My wish for the day. But Wed. is usually a busy day for me...so “M” might turn out to be for manic.

None. Number of times I’ve had sex this week...so far.

Orgasm. Come on...what else could “O” possibly be? Had one this weekend (thank you, me).

Poopy head. The name my six year old neighbor called me (gotta love that kid).

Quarter. The same neighbor kid threw a quarter at me. (that’s gonna leave a mark).

Red wine. My drink of choice this weekend.

Steelers. My team that keeps on winning.

Twelve. The number of blocks I walked, in the cold, to window shop for shoes (pathetic...I know).

Underwear. At least I have nice underwear on today. (see below).

Velvet. Damn, these stupid velvet pants I’m wearing today. (They’re developing a tear in the backside, that’s getting ever bigger as the day goes on!)

Wind. I’m starting to feel the wind on my ass through the tear in my pants!

Xenophopia- A mortal fear of being anally penetrated by extra- terrestrials. (I didn’t make that up! I needed an “X”...it was the only word that came to mind).

Yogurt. My planned feast for lunch (unless I get a better offer).

Zero. The exact number of times I’ve had anal sex...ever!

I got the idea for this from Tim...but I don't see his list posted anywhere anymore.

You're back, Dick? Are ya sticking around for a while?

Here's the new me...according to Quizilla.

...apparently, I cut my newly dyed blonde hair, put blue contacts in, linked arms with some total strangers and somehow gained a new perspective along the way.




Your World: What is your world made of? [girls]
brought to you by Quizilla

It's starting to get awfully cold around here lately. This is the second day
in a row that I've worn a turtleneck. Today's sweater is coming dangerously
close to smothering me. It seems to be closing in on me & I'm having trouble
breathing. It's also making me itch. I looked at the label & there is about
.03% wool in the material of the damn thing. I don't know about you...
but just looking at wool makes me itch. By the end of the day, my skin
will be rubbed raw. At least my commute home will be quicker than
normal...because I'll race home to take the most irritating article
of clothing I've ever worn off.

Seriously...what's worse than being...itchy?

I had that...I have to sneeze feeling, all day today.
You know, when you have an urge to...but can't quite get it out...
but it's right there on the surface ready to explode at any minute.
So unnerving.

The sneeze decided to blast itself out of me when I was just getting
up to speed on the treadmill at the gym. Now, I'm uncoordinated enough,
without things like this happening to throw me off. The sneeze took me by
surprise & with such sudden force, that my head flew down & hit the front
of the treadmill...which caused me to drop my locker key, which I then tripped
over. I lost my flimsy grip on balance & went flying off the back of the treadmill
like a bullet. By some miracle...I actually landed on my feet.
I'm still trying to figure out how I didn't land on my ass
in a big, ungraceful mess.

Luckily, only one other person witnessed this spectacular act of clumsiness.
He promptly gave me a lovely round of applause...when he stopped laughing.
He was laughing with me...not at me...right?

Remember that nothing is as sexy as the truth,
the whole truth, and nothing but the truth,
especially if you tell it while you're wearing
a perfect red dress....

I Wish I Had a Red Dress by Pearl Cleage

I seriously think I need to buy this dress...

I met a philosopher in a bar the other night. I was waiting for my terminally late friend to show up when...AK parked his butt on a barstool next to mine.

He had a killer opening line...it went something like..."You're not the kind of
girl I usually see sitting all alone at a bar"...I stared at him blankly...what
could I say? Instead of saying..."what the hell does that mean?" I decided to
give him the benefit of the doubt...I was in the mood for a good chat & he
seemed willing to listen to me babble.

He was absentmindedly twisting his wedding ring...he told me he was married to a good woman...but he still felt the need to go out most nights without her.

Here's where I tell this stranger all the blah, blah...facts of my situation...being
married & needing things that I'm not currently receiving...(damn my late
friend...I can be very chatty when I've been drinking).

AK: Respectfully, I ask...from your heart...do you feel you've taken care of him
the way a wife should care for her man...? (Respectfully...my ass...there's no
respectful way to ask if you're servicing your husband to his liking...is
there?!) I want you to know that a woman holds the key to happiness in 99% of
relationships. Do you feel you can seek out & give your husband what he needs,
or is it never going to happen? If so, the road is clear. If not, perhaps it's
best to move on & begin again, inspite of the pain you'll feel... sorry for the
unsolicited (drunken) advise.

Me: the question of...did I do all I should have for my husband...I can honestly
say I'm doing my best. Why do you think that is?...women controlling happiness?

AK: Because men are much less complex. We're happy to have our partner's
approval, appreciation, & acceptance...but you can tell us we're loved a
thousand times a day & it doesn't get through...we're primitive in that regard &
must feel love from our partner...through the affection, her hunger, her
willingness to ensure we feel it intimately.
...Then, we'll pretty much paint your house, care for your kids, & swim thru
sharks to make you happy...and the woman who is wiling to put forth the energy
& respect for what I'm explaining...will likely have a loyal & happy partner.
But it seems very hard for a woman to maintain.

Me: I always find it interesting to know what men are thinking...really...

AK: Then you are lucky because that curiosity will likely serve you well.

Me: I hope so.
...& I know you are not talking solely about sex...right?

AK: Not entirely...

Sex is how men are assured of your love, acceptance & appreciation - - but there
are many more ways a woman can be nice, be happy & get her partner to do
anything she really needs from him...happily.

You just have to remember to nurture those 3-"A's" and when the time is right,
seal it with sex.

Me: appreciation, acceptance...& what?
(here's where I'm hoping the 3rd "A" is not anal)

AK:...affection.

Me: (whew!)

Genny came over and told me about Brad
He's such a hairy behemoth she said
And dumb as a box of hammers
But he's such a handsome guy
And I opened up and told her about Larry
And yesterday how he asked me to marry
I'm not giving him an answer yet
I think I can do better

CHORUS:
So we laughed, compared notes
We had a drink, we had a smoke
She took off her overcoat
I kissed a girl
I kissed a girl

So she called home to say she'd be late
He said, he worried but now he'd feel safe
I'm glad you're with your girlfriend,
Tell her "Hi" for me
So I looked at you, you had guilt in your eyes
But it only lasted a little while
And then I felt your hand upon my knee

CHORUS:
And we laughed at the world
They can have their diamonds
And we'll have our pearls
I kissed a girl
I kissed a girl

I kissed a girl, her lips were sweet
She was just like kissing me
I kissed a girl, won't change the world
But I'm so glad
I kissed a girl

(GUITAR SOLO)

And we laughed at the world
They can have their diamonds
And we'll have our pearls
I kissed a girl (for the first time)
I kissed a girl (and I may do it again)
I kissed a girl
I kissed a girl

I kissed a girl, her lips were sweet
She was just like kissing me (but better)
I kissed a girl

I kissed a girl, won't change the world
But I'm so glad
I kissed a girl (for the first time)
I kissed a girl (won't be the last time)
I kissed a girl
I kissed a girl

Thanks to Cate, who commented on yesterday's post
& reminded me of this song...I love it!
It makes me smile...just thinking about it.

Years ago, in a previous job, I had a fun manager. Her personality ran
hot & cold...but on her good days...she was too much fun. Yesterday’s post
reminded me of the time she was scheduled to do a presentation at a design
agency in the city. I was going to go with her, but only in a support role,
to answer questions & help out. On the way into the city, she springs
it on me...that she thinks I should give the presentation. Not a nice thing to do
to a girl who’s prone to FREAK OUT about these type of things. To make a long
story short...after I lost my shoe walking up to give the presentation...
all went well & we went out to celebrate & let off steam afterwards.
While sitting at the bar, she told me I did a kick ass job...
...then she kissed me...
and there was tongue...& I was shocked. I sort of think
she did it for the shock value. Hey, that was ok with me...she looked like
Julia Roberts...minus the oversized mouth. I sat there for a few seconds
completely unable to do anything...my mind was racing.
That’s when some idiot guy hit on her in an unwelcome way...
& the moment was lost forever. Like I said...she ran hot & cold
(so she was pissed for the rest of the night). If you ask me,
she had some problems handling her emotions. Anyway, that was one of my
“woulda, coulda, shoulda” almost lesbian moments.

I saw an incredibly beautiful ass this morning...& it belonged to a girl.
(Trust me when I tell you...I’m not a lesbian. I’ve had a handful of
opportunities to experiment on the girlie side of things...& haven’t yet.
Who knows, maybe the planets have to be in perfect alignment for me to be
that adventurous.) I walked into the dressing room after working out.
I turned the corner & there it was. A perfect ass in a thong.
Most of the women I see wearing thongs...to put it in the kindest
possible way...SHOULD NOT even entertain the idea of slipping their flabby
asses into this unforgiving garment. But this girl had the right idea...
she had no visible panty lines AND she got to show off her best asset.

Love it or hate it? I think I love it. This artist has pulled me in.
It's kind of cold & graphic...but I mean that in a positive way.

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives,
but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is" - Barbara Bush

If Babs actually said that...& I think she did...she's one cool, white haired old lady!

This weekend...once again...I braved the elements in order to find the perfect Christmas tree. I decided to do it in style this year. I looked sort of like...the snow princess in black jeans. That wasn't really the look I was going for...but...none the less, that's what my friend called me. If I knew that's the reaction I'd get, I would have topped it all off with a tiara (doesn't every girl have one?).

I wouldn't turn around...so my friend snuck up behind me & took this picture. It didn't even occur to me to wear a thong...but as you can see...I should have considered it.

She'll let you in her house
If you come knockin' late at night
She'll let you in her mouth
If the words you say are right
If you pay the price
She'll let you deep inside
But there's a secret garden she hides

She'll let you in her car
To go drivin' 'round
She'll let you into the parts of herself
That'll bring you down
She'll let you in her heart
If you got a hammer and a vise
But into her secret garden, don't think twice

You've gone a million miles
How far'd you get
To that place where you can't remember
And you can't forget

She'll lead you down a path
There'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough
So you know she's really there
And she'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say

She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay...

~Secret Garden by Bruce Springsteen

Is this right...or just a romanticized view ? (I'm a sucker for those.)
If the words you say are right...if you pay the price...she'll let you deep inside
...I love those lines...maybe too much.

So...I walk into work this morning, totally unaware that my coworker
is wearing the exact same dress sweater dress today. It's the same coral pink
color & everything. A couple of things set us apart. My dress is a petite
(that's a kind way of saying...they chopped a half a mile of material off
the bottom, so it won't drag on the floor when I wear it). Her dress is one of
those willowy sizes (you know...extra tall & leggy). I'm wearing my funky black
boots with no heel at all. She's complimenting the dress with thigh high boots with a 4" heel. I would have worn mine too...but since I wasn't going
to a hooker convention, it hardly seemed appropriate.

It might seem like I'm just a little bit jealous...but really...I'm not.
Even so, I may stay in my office with the door closed for a large part of the day.
We just look silly walking around in the same damn dress
as if we are deranged bridesmaids.

Don't take this the wrong way, Dick...but I've just created my own log in.
Now I'll post as CHICK...just to be sure you can NEVER post as me again.
I should have done this LONG ago!

...I still love ya (but I don't want you...to be me).