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...a male & female point of view...We are two former coworkers who share similar ideas on what's absurd...or just plain funny...thought we could offer a unique view on life & stuff...

Friday, April 29, 2005

 

FRIENDS

Real friends and not the stupid tv show where everyone sleeps with each and a damn little monkey.
Yesterday I received a baseball style cap in the mail. It was from my friend Chick, Thank you so much, Chick! She got it in Ireland on a trip last year, the same trip she wanted me to join. Granted I’d have done anything to go with her, and if I did, our child would be about 3 months old right now. Hats are a little easier to manage though.
About 7 months ago the POD cheated on me. She didn’t have sex, and I don’t think she even kissed the guy. What she did do was go to some other guy’s house for dinner. Then came home and lied to me. But I’m not getting into that, now. What I will say is I was looking for a place to live that weekend and my friend Chick offered her home for me. If this isn’t the meaning of the word friendship I don’t know what it is. Fortunately for her husband the pod and I reconciled. Because it would have only taken one instance where I come out of the shower all wet, wearing just a towel, and Chick accidentally seeing me...Chick would be about six months pregnant right now.
Needless to say Chick has taken permanent residence in my heart. And even if she puts me down, talks shit about me, and tell the world my secrets I will always love her and the friendship we share.
Friends don’t have to be someone you have dinner with once a month they can be “phone friends”, internet friends and e-mail friends, the measure of a true friend is if when you are down there hand is the first you see to help you back up. Thanks Chick.

Dick
8====o~
 

Red Wine & Chocolate

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So...last night...at about 10-ish...I'm sitting on the couch
sipping red wine...& eating a few chocolate chips...
(the combo is seriously awesome)...when hubby
comes into the room. He looks at me...
says that I may have a problem...
(in a kinda kidding way)...& goes upstairs...
What the hell do you think he was talking about...
problem...what problem?...
the wine...or the chocolate?

& no...I didn't actually put the chocolate in the
wine...but that DOES look wickedly good, doesn't it?

Thursday, April 28, 2005

 

These Shoes Were Made For...

It’s sometimes unexpected what you remember about a particular event after
some time has gone by & the memory of the details starts to fade a bit.

A couple of weekends ago, Hubby & I found ourselves out with another couple.
We’d been invited out for dinner with friends. Dinner turned into drinks at the
bar with friends of our friends, whom we’d never met. Drinks turned into going
back to the couple we had never met’s place (you follow?).

OK, if you’re looking for sex to take place next, it’s not going to happen
(this just ain’t that kind of story).


We walked a few blocks to a beautiful brownstone. It was a grand old building
that was now divided into four apartments. We entered John & Delia’s second
floor apartment & they immediately made us feel at home.
They got us drinks & kicked off their shoes.

Soon we were all talking & laughing (& half dressed...just kidding).
John started telling stories about all of the places he had traveled.
At some point, while he was talking, he had picked up one of his
girlfriend Delia’s shoes. He was absentmindedly turning the shoe
over & over in his hands. As his story continued, he kept playing with her shoe.
No one seemed fazed in the least by this, except me & I said nothing.
Really...what could I say anyway? I couldn’t say what I was thinking.
Saying, “What the hell is with you & that shoe...are we interrupting something?”
didn’t seem entirely appropriate.

Maybe, I was reading too much into the way he was caressing her shoe.
I could have been way off when I saw him tracing the outline of the opening
of her shoe with his fingers ever so gently & thought of sex. What he did next
put me over the top, he slowly put his hand deep into her shoe & started gliding
his fingers up & down, from the heal to the toe of her shoe...& back again.

That was it for me. I could take no more. We said our goodbyes & left.
There was only one thing left for him to do to her damn shoe & I didn't
think I wanted to stick around to witness it.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

 

Why Ty?

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Explain this to me...'cuz I do not get it.

Why do women love Ty Pennington?
I have a friend who'd seriously leave her husband for this
guy. I'm sorry but...extremely goofy guys do not get me hot,
they just don't. And what is with that little patch of fuzz
on his lower lip? Or did a caterpillar crawl up there...& die?

I'm not saying he's bad looking.
I deeply looove the whole tall/blonde thing he's got going
on...but add annoyingly loud goofball to the picture
& the effect is lost on me.

I'm not a huge fan of Extreme Home Makeover
(I'll tune in to see the end result sometimes)...but if I'm working...
& he came up to me with a bullhorn...& screamed ANYTHING at me...
anything at all...he'd have that thing shoved so far up his butt...
he'd either cry out in pain...or enjoy the whole damn thing...
(I'm not sure what floats his boat...if you dig what I'm saying).

I have nothing against goofiness either
(I love Dick, don't I?)...but unlike the Dick you all know
& love...Ty Pennington has zero sex appeal.
He oozes idiotic wackiness...not sex...
& no good can ever come of that.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

 

A Few More Reasons I Want My Son's Mother Dead.

It will be a month tomorrow since my son's birthday, and his mother still hasn't done ANYTHING for him. She's remodeling her home, and bought new furniture I asked him the first week after his Bday what he got and he said a chair. I shit you not. She bought a chair for her living room and said it was his Bday gift.
Spring soccer just started and his first game she didn't take him because "I have to much going on with my kitchen". I shit you not. This past Sunday I drove an hour to take my son to play his "first" game this season. We even stopped at his mother's so he could use the bathroom, you think she showed up on time? No. She missed him play in the first half. The feild is five minutes away from her.
I am going to offer to give him an air conditioner for his room for the second straight summer, if she declines again and makes my son sweat his ass off, I will burn down her fucking remodeled home.

Dick
8====o~
 

Crazy Monkey Sex?

My girlfriend Pat (the jewelry designer...remember? you may have seen one of her designs on the girlie with the heart shaped nipples) has a little brother in law school. He works & studies hard. What I like about him is that he’s intense & serious...most of the time. Every once in a while, he needs to take breaks from all the seriousness & intensity. He does this by being incredibly silly. He’ll text me short little nothings (that mean absolutely nothing)...just to make me laugh:

Law Student: Anything new & exciting...
Law Student: any new men in your life?

Chick: um...no (he knows I'm married...he's just being...silly...told you).
Chick: any new women in your life?

Law Student: no

Chick: how can we fix that?

Law Student: hmmm
Law Student:: get together and have crazy monkey sex.

Chick: monkey???
Chick: what does that mean to you???
(I'd be very interested to know)

Law Student: the kind you have to clean up with a mop and bucket.

Chick: hmmm...
Chick: now you've got my interest.

Law Student: good.

Then...just like that...he's gone...(& I won't hear from him for months) & I'm left smiling.
Pat thinks he's nuts...& he is.

Monday, April 25, 2005

 

My Morning

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Imagine this...

You’re riding the train into the city on your way to work.
You’re having the sort of shitty day that starts with a fall on your butt
in the shower. You feel every bump of the train & your sore ass aches
on the cold hard seat.

There’s a man sitting across from you. He’s reading the paper.
He’s nicely dressed in a Canali suit & Mephisto shoes (I tend to notice
well put together people...but if that last sentence annoys you about me...
skip it...I’m OK with that). He looks up from his paper long enough
to look at me & sense that I’m having a crap ass day. He puts his paper down
on the seat next to him.

I’m grateful & surprised at what happens next. He comes over & stands
in front of me. His eyes lock onto mine. His left hand reaches down
& touches me precisely in that spot. At first I think,

How did he know I am having such an unfulfilling day?

Then I think, Hmmm...a southpaw might be just what I need today.

Next thought, after the way my morning started, I definitely deserve
an orgasm, it’s the least I can do for myself (& if he is offering
to help me out, who am I to say no?)
.

He moves his hand just the right amount & with the right rate of pressure.
Even through my clothes...I can feel my day begin to get better.
The heat, the pressure & the mind emptying need for release are minutes away.

Some of the other passengers look my way...
I can see that they are all thinking things like,

Good for her &

That certainly looks like it beats coffee as an early morning pick-me-up.

I start breathing heavier & my mind leaves my body & flies up over the train
till it reaches what may be salvation.

After all is said & done, the extremely accommodating & nice gentleman
I’d almost just met (could any of this count as actually meeting?) looks up
when his stop is called. He kisses me deep & hard as the doors of the train
begin to open...then he’s gone.

Did I imagine the whole thing? Could that have positively just happened?
If it didn’t, then why am I feeling so sated & satisfied? If it didn’t happen,
why was I just publicly moaning on the PATH train in front of the other
morning commuters? If it didn’t happen I say, thank you imagination,
you’re almost as good as the real thing.

Disclaimer:

OK, if you’re a guy, your spot will be different.

You can certainly substitute a girl wearing Versace instead
of the suity guy...that works for me too.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

 

About last night...

First off I want to thank you guys for reading the long post from yesterday, it really means a lot to me that you take the time out to read and comment. Thank you.

Stacie • I agree with you, people don’t change over night.
Chickie • That’s what I’m doing...I'm riding this wave till it ends.
Chick • She knows damn well I’m skeptical.
Shellubra • I’m afraid every time I hear the scary music. Where in CA?
Pink • It’s pretty obvious why.
Kayten • I should have said she already planned the hotel, for work reasons. I didn’t mean to make it sound as if she was saying “Fuck this, I’m staying at a hotel”. And you are right I have a hard time trusting her, for other reasons to. I’ll explain some day.
Feebs • She’ll do anything I fucking tell her, just like YOU will do anything I fucking tell ya’!


Okay then....Let me pick up from last night, right after I made my post I went home. I was hoping she was sound asleep but the dogs barked and woke her up when I walked in. I took the dogs out, came back had a snack and poured a tall glass of wine. The the unPOD walks in wearing just a sexy black robe, nothing else. Now it’s two fucking thirty in the morning. So I go uspstairs with her and we lay in bed and chat. She gets up and disrobes. Here I am wanting to go finish snacking and drink my wine and watch tv. I’m turning into a POD now. It’s just my heart isn’t in it. I don’t trust her motives I guess.
So earlier in the day she said she has an exciting thing she wants to do. I said “what is it?” She said “I’ll tell you later” Well, I forgot about the whole thing. So about an hour later after we finished..ahem... we are just laying there, this is the good part...she says want to hear my exciting idea? I said sure, she says “well, it’s going to be our 2 year anniversary Nov. 13 and that’s a Sunday (scary music starts playing again) and I think it would be a great day to get married.”

Ummmm NO.

I just looked at her and said “POD, two weeks ago today you told me you wouldn’t make a good wife. I didn’t say that...you did. I told her she is ALL over the place, first she wants to get married, then she didn’t... now she does. I told her I believe in my heart if we were to get married, a year from now you will be telling me “we should never have gotten Married” I told her I really believe you will be saying that. Well, she kinda got quiet after that..she looked at me with the biggest puppy dog eyes. I just said “good night I’m going downstairs”
Then I thought was this part of her plan, naked, sexy robe, after sex to spring the marriage thing up. Usually men will say anything BEFORE sex to get what they want.. her timing was off.

So today I thought she may be a little less loving because I shot her down last night. Nope.
She still was loving. She did tell me “I don’t want you to want another woman” and “I don’t want to ever lose you”. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU??

Dick
8====o~
 

ABC Song

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Well... it made me laugh...
 

...and now you know the rest of the story.

Ok so I guess I’m forced to fill you in on mine and Chick’s “private” conversation. It all started a few months ago when the GF was taking over by the body snatchers. I posted that she was like a pod woman. Well, it continued, up until a week or so ago. It was a Wednesday I think and the POD was on her way out the door when we noticed our electrical company truck leaving our driveway. There was a letter stuck in our door, with that the POD said “Oh I hope they didn’t turn off our power” I hit the light switch right next to me..nothing. FUCK. She said I “OH I must’ve forgotten to pay the bill” and with that walked right out the door.
About $535 later, the POD who will be sleeping in a nice hotel room that night called me to ask how everything went. I kinda rip’d her a new one. I was so pissed. I had to sleep in complete darkness while the POD was watching HBO.. What’s funny is even though I had to light candles to see where the fuck I was going I still was trying to charge my phone. When I plugged the cord into the cell phone it wouldn’t make the charging “beeb” noise...I was saying “Fuck now my phone won’t work” then I realized I had NO POWER. Duh.
The next day I resigned myself to the fact that this relationship is not going to work. The POD had tried calling me a hundred times, I refused to answer, because I suck at confrontations. Well, she text me to please call her and I did. I told her I had had enough. I gave up. I was at the end of my rope. I told her I’m done trying, if you want this to work then you have to fight for it because I gave up. I did list the 15 things she has done or not done to prove she was a walking zombie.
Well...this is where it gets even more strange.

She changed.

(creepy music plays)

OverFuckingnight.

Yes... ever since, she has been COMPLETELY different. LIke she drank some kool aid shit and now follows me around like a loyal dog. Plus, she wants SEX ALL THE TIME. This is from a woman who I had to beg to touch her tit. So Chick was getting a little spooked by all this. I don’t blame her.
I asked the UnPOD what happened to you? Who is this? Her story was that she was done trying to be this strong independent woman and that she’s just going to put her trust and faith in me. Fuck that. Like Jimmy Carter, I already had committed adultly in my heart. I was sooo done. I really wanted her just to give up. I still think it’ll happen it’s just lasting a lot longer than I thought it would. Chick and I also thought maybe she just needed a good verbal ass whopping. Maybe she has a little more respect for me because I told her what she’s “going to fucking do!”

So I went from a person who told me 3 weeks ago she’s tired of fighting with my son for attention. A person 2 weeks ago who said she “wouldn’t make a good wife”, someone who would promise me sex adventures at night only to go to bed early and complain about not feeling well. Someone who I said 2 weeks ago “I don’t think you love me anymore” to which she replied..”yeah I do” as if I asked her if she had change of a dollar. Someone who has NEVER bought me a gift for no reason. Who has never bought me a card for no reason.

To a person who won’t stop telling me she loves me, hugs me all the time. Wants to do things with my son. She left a gift with a card in my car for no fucking reason. She’s in bed right now NAKED waiting for me, and I’m still at work not wanting to leave, how fucked up is that?

Well that has been the part Chick left out, aren’t you glad?

Dick
8====o~

Friday, April 22, 2005

 

Thanks for calling me back, Dick

On the way home from work yesterday, I called Dick.
The message I left sounded something like,

“OK, I totally get the fact that you don’t love me anymore...
but call me back anyway.”


We hadn’t spoken in about a week (you’d think he’d call a chick...
every now & then...alright...I’m over it now).

Dick called me back in about 10 minutes (he’s usually cool like that).
We talked for about 40 minutes. The conversation rolled around till it hit
a wall when the subject of relationships reared it’s buttfucking ugly ass head.
He was having issues with his girlfriend, POD Woman...but I’ll let him tell
you about it without putting my spin on the whole fabulous deal.
(I have a feeling that he hates when I write about his shit...can’t say I blame
him...actually...it’s less fun this way...but we’re all here to make Dick happy,
aren’t we?) That wasn’t a dig, Dick...I meant that.

By what he was telling me, it sounded like his gf was taking him for granted
in some ways. Dick was loading on the sweet cards & buying the chick flowers
all the time & she was giving him half assed thanks, then going about her day.
Now, I’m not advocating playing games...or any nonsense like that (because
that’s against this chick’s code of truthfulness, kindness & honesty...& that would be wrong). What I am suggesting is, do like my prick (I mean loving
& warm) husband. Hold back with the good stuff. Make the girl wonder a bit.
Make her work for it, baby (shoveling shit or mulch comes to mind).
If she expects grand gestures everyday...maybe she’s likely to take them
for granted...not that I would...I’m just saying. Kayten brought up this point
in comments (“ he may come to expect it rather than to appreciate it”)
& it really made me think. She's definitely got a point there.

I knew this blogging experience would end up amusing me to no end...
but I didn’t expect it to give me so much insight into the heart of things
as much as it has (thanks a fucking lot...to all you thought inspirers
out there...I love you all)...wait...I take that back...don’t want you taking me
for granted...because you would...wouldn’t you?

Thursday, April 21, 2005

 

True Love...not

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Isn’t funny the difference between men and women, dick and chick? Men do love the trophy wife, women sure do love the money. My dad and I always had this competition on who finds the best pictures of these old fat geezers with the young beautiful woman. Let me tell you there are a lot of them. I had even started cutting them out and hanging them up next to my computer. Why? Well have you ever heard if you want a nice car to cut it out and hang it up for a visual reminder, well, that’s what I was doing. I’m a lot better looking than these freaks I should aim high.
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What I want to know is how can women really be intimate with these guys? I can understand a man fucking a goat but not a woman going down on a 90 yr. old cock. Really?!
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What is she thinking when her tongue is rolling in between the folds of his gray, hairy balls? “I can’t wait to buy those shoes...” is it worth it?
And what if I did have a shit load of money...do you think I’d tell even one of you about it?? Nope, I’d drive a Toyota, wear ratty sneakers and write on a blog...just like any other dick.

Dick
8====o~
 

Help a Chick Out

I think...no...I know I need a vacation...
or just some freaking time off.

If I go through the trouble of taking the day off,
I want to do something fun. I'm so fried from work...
my imagination's gone blank.

Hit me with some recommendations on what I should
do to have a kick ass day off. Hell, I'll even invite you
to join me if you've got some killer ideas to share...
if it's something I don't feel like doing, I will
ignore your suggestion...then ask you again & again
what you want to do until it sounds like something good
to me. If your suggestion includes anything that pleasures
me while requiring no work on my part (hmmm)...
I can virtually guarantee that I will like it.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

 

Confessions of a Tit Man

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From as early I can remember I have been a boob man. Don’t get me wrong I love the whole thing ladies, ass, “Koochie”, legs. But something about boobs drive me freakin crazy. It doesn’t matter if you had 4 kids and they hit your knees when you walk, I used to stare at this 90 yr. old woman because she would jog without a bra everyday at the same time I went to work. After staring at her I’d look in my mirror at myself and say “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Now when my 2nd chance at dating came around 4 and a half years ago...I was a pig in shit. I had no problems seeing as many women as I wanted. My problem was trying to keep them from running into each other at the doorway. My preference was always the big boobed girls. In fact one of my first girlfriends was a big assed girl with practically no boobs what-so-ever. One of the first nights we started kissing (and yes I asked her permission first before I kissed her, I’m horny not rude) it progress rather quickly, and I was grabbing for all the tit I could get from her. She even asked me that night “Why do you keep grabbing my breasts?” LOL I never had anyone asked me that.

One of the lasts GFs I had before the pod, was this girl who could ring my doorbell with her nipple while still standing on the sidewalk. I was in heaven. I remember talking to her on the phone, (I thought it was someone else), she asked if she could come over and visit me that night. I said to her well I’m kinda tired, and she said “well I’ll see you tomorrow then”, then it hit me who I was talking too. I told her “Uummm you know you can come over if you want, I’m not THAT tired”. I’m a pig, I know. But, I’m always the perfect gentleman too.
She had said to me once “I don’t kiss on the first date”. So I had every intention of not even trying to kiss her. I Thought we could just hang out on the couch and get to know each other better. Well.... we were talking and relaxing, I wasn’t trying anything and she started rubbing my stomach/chest with her hand but using her elbow to rub something else....like... “ohh I didn’t know I was doing that” ...kind of attitude. I just relaxed and enjoyed it . Then after five minutes of that she stood up, sat right on top of my lap with my head buried in these massive amounts of boobages. Keep in mind I still was trying to be respectful, and I said “I don’t know if this is a good idea” with that she said “Why?” and took her shirt off...DAMN! We were there all of five minutes before I asked her if she wanted to go in the bedroom. So to all you big boobed girls out there if ya’ got em’ use em’, heart shape nipples or not.

Dick
8====o~
 

Hearts?

Look here for a surprise...

What do you think? Heart shaped...cool, huh?
That’s the way they should be, am I right? (I think I am).

BTW, that’s not me. I’d never wear such a gaudy necklace.
That’s my friend Jane, showing off my friend Pat’s jewelry designs.
(Sorry about the gaudy crack, Pat...it’s just not my style).

I know you’re wondering why...oh why, expose your beautiful
(fake? I don’t know...she won’t tell me) boobies...
when you’re trying to sell jewelry?

I can only answer that by saying, Jane does things like this all the time.
Last week, a cop pulled her over for speeding, yep, you guessed it...
one flash of her heart shaped nipples & her impending ticket turned instantly
into an invitation to dinner. She freely flashes ‘em to get into clubs
(girls with heart shaped nipples never pay cover charges either).
Hell, she sometimes even flashes young waiters in lieuuuu of a tip.

I'm not saying that I don't have some heart shaped parts of my body...
I'm just saying that I am a bit more discriminating with the bursts
of flashing (I mean really...I'd take the ticket...but if he was offering a car...
or impressively large jewels...who knows?)...that's all I'm saying.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

 

Who Knew?

Who knew that helping your husband with backbreaking work outside
would make him have a newfound looove & affection for me? Who knew?
Really...who? 'Cuz if anyone out there knew this to be true...& held out
on me...didn't want to share this little morsel of information with moi
for some reason...I'll hunt you down like an animal...just to thank you
for NOT sharing. If I had known that a little sweat equity was all I needed
to get my husband to appreciate the fine chick he married...I'd have
gotten my ass outside & shoveled shit (ok, mulch) a long fucking
time ago.

2 days of intense physical work has somehow made me more attractive
to my weird ass husband.I lost track of how many times he's thanked me
& told me he loves me. He wrote me e-mails telling me that I was
a tough (insert cute nickname here..."cuz I ain't telling you
what it is) girl.

I came home last night to wild flowers, wine & dinner being cooked for
me. Let me just tell you, this is NOT a common occurance in The Chick
Household. Would I appreciate it so much if shit like this went on
everyday at mi casa? Probably not...hell, I'd probably become a spoiled
bitch princess if I was treated like the royalty that I am EVERY day).
I still had to clean up...so don't envy me so...

Monday, April 18, 2005

 

Theresa's 5 Questions (thanks T)

1. Your Fairy Love Goddess graces you with a magical swat on the rump with the Little Red Riding Crop. Once the euphoria subsides, you see before you three unusual cocktails.
~ The first is a Potion of Love. If you drink it, you will meet your perfect match, fall blissfully in love, and live happily ever after.
~ The second is a Potion of Success. If you drink it, you will be extremely successful in your chosen vocation and earn the admiration, respect, and sometimes envy, of your colleagues.
~ The third is a Potion of Wisdom. If you drink it, you will feel at peace throughout your life, regardless of the difficulties you face. Irrational feelings of doubt and fear will be a thing of the past.
Which potion will you drink? Why? If you were choosing for your son, would you make the same choice?

A • Ok first...does the riding crop sting a little because I like that.
I would for myself choose the love potion. I would love the perfect match and to be happily in love forever. I feel that has to be the hardest thing to obtain out of the three choices. Besides we all know having money and success doesn’t mean you are going to be happy. Besides I'm already a genuis..geenuis...guiness..really smart.
Now what to choose for my son is different. I would like to choose the success potion for him so I don’t have to worry financially about him. But, I happen to think if he was happy in love, him and his partner will survive things together. So my son better guzzle the Love Potion.

2. What is "real true love"?

A • I just want you to know you suck Theresa. Real true love is unconditional love. It is something that can’t be destroyed or crushed by hurtful actions or words, because real love goes beyond that. Now how can we get this real love is another question. I think when two selfless individuals meet and their only concern is for the other you are a good path to obtain real love.

3. You’ve won a two-week, all-expense paid fantasy vacation. Where will you go and who will accompany you? Why?

A • Easy one. Ireland with my son. Why Ireland because it’s beautiful, it’s my ancestor’s home. It’s where I’d like to live one day, in a small cottage on a farm. Just like in the Quiet Man movie. I’d take my son so he could carry my bags.

4. Rank the following in order of most important to least important:

A
I trust people who are most like me
I trust people who genuinely care about me
I trust people who I can count on when the going gets tough
I trust people who do what they say they’re going to do.
I trust people who can admit when they are wrong
I trust people who can keep a secret
I trust people who trust me

5. What do you want for breakfast, and how do you take your coffee?

A •Boy if I had a dime for everytime I was asked that...

There's only one way for you to find out ;)

I will say this when I go out to eat a diner or restaurant I like my coffee black, when I go to Dunkin Donuts I take cream and 2 sugars. Go figure?
 

How Was Your Weekend?

I hope everyone had a nice weekend. My weekend involved:

Sangria

New Shoes
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Mexican Food

Moving massive amounts of mulch
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Exhaustion

Hot Tubs (OK, A hot tub)

A massage

Breakfast in bed (& by breakfast I don’t mean food)

Winter Ales

Gardening
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Kids selling lemonade

Mix that all up, add a squeeze of lemon & that there was my weekend.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

 

To the Cock suckers who tried to Fuck us...

Yes I'm talking about you duchebags who flew the planes into the World Trade Center. I have never written about this and I think it's time.
I grew up in Jersey City; we looked at New York every day of our lives living there. Out my grammar school windows you could see the World Trade Center every day. I remember one day in particular seeing a dark speck slowly rise up the buildings, later I learned it was some guy climbing the building. In my roach infested apartment I would watch the lights come on the Empire State Building. I remember showing my mom one day; we stared at the building for a half an hour just to see the lights come on.
I went to NY a hundred times. The Twin Towers, as we called them was always a landmark for us. All we ever needed to do was look for these buildings and we knew exactly where we were. I went there numerous times. It would give you goose bumps just walking towards them, because you really couldn't get over how fucking tall they were. You could stand right at the base of the building and look up and it would make you dizzy. These were tall ass buildings. There was a fountain between the two of them where people always ate their lunch. There were even these blue footprints that seem to go forever, it turned out to be a guy rolling a barrel filled with blue paint and blue foam pads on each side of the barrel, he would roll this at night and create these footprints all over the city.
I had gone to the Twin towers many times. I went when I was a kid, as a teen and an adult taking my family. The last time I went I took a teenager who lived across the street from me. His mother had died of cancer and I felt like his older brother. I took him to NY. We walked across the George Washington Bridge; I took him to Times Square so he could see MTV. Then I ended with the World Trade Center. He took his guitar and he played it on top of the building. Two Years later the World Trade Center would be gone.
I can’t express the hatred I have for those scumbags that decided to attack us. The only thing I feel good about is there fucking dead. My sister worked in the Trade Center, then moved a few blocks away. She was hiding under her desk when the second plane hit. When she finally left and tried to go home she got covered in soot head to toe. She knew several people that lost their lives. My cousin worked in the WTC; she was late to work and arrived in NY when the buildings were on fire. She started walking uptown and never looked back, she was afraid to see what was happening. My brother was in Hoboken right across the river. He seen the one building on fire, hundreds of people were standing outside the train station looking at the building with him when they seen the second plane hit.
Forgive me for getting political at this point, I’m aware half of you if not more are going to disagree with what I’m about to say. I am so fucking glad we went into Afghanistan, and I’m glad we had the balls to invade another country, Iraq. If not for this one thing only. Now other countries will know that we will do anything it takes to protect this country, even if it means attacking first. No one likes war, no one. But we can’t be made to look like pussies when it comes to defending ourselves. Now, my sister the one under her desk could not disagree with me more. Which really boggles my mind, we were attacked, we lost lives, unprovoked and still there are thousands of New Yorkers who think we should not be in war. I would like to invade Iran next then Syria, any country that poses a threat to us. We did not ask for this, but by God almighty you want to throw shit at us we will come back at you ten fold.
I am glad of everything that this President has done. I’m sorry for all the lives that were lost, but I would gladly go and fight myself, and fight for our protection so that another 9/11 doesn’t happen ever again. All I have to say is Fuck all you scumbags that want to hurt us you will get yours. And I'd love to personally kick the shit out of any cock sucking Muslem who thinks differently.

Dick
8====o~

Saturday, April 16, 2005

 

Cricket's Questions..

1…what would you choose as the very last thing you would see before you die?

A:About 20 of God's angels singing my praise.

2…what is the best gift you received as a child?

A:Christmas morning I got a record player, those little box types, there was a big hole in the bottom and when I showed my mother she said one of Santa's reindeer must have put his hoof through it. I thought that was the best gift ever because I had proof.

an adult?

A:My son.

3…if you could wake up every morning to the distinct smell of any one thing, what would you choose?

A:I'd be afraid I'd get used to it and my smell wouldn't be special. If I had to choose..I wouldn't mind fresh cut grass smell, or rain shower smell.

4…how many things to be happy about can you write down in 15 minutes?

A:Lets say a shit load. #1 would be my son. The fact I'm healthy, sexy, alive, I have friends, I have Tivo and I can see, taste, smell, hear, think and see. I'd be thankful for everything.

5…if you could put an original "no _____" sign on your front door, what would it say?

A:"No greedy, selfish, mean, hateful, hurtful, pure assholes allowed!"

Friday, April 15, 2005

 

As Naked Week Draws To a Close...

Hubby walked into the kitchen. He’d been outside doing lawn work.
I was sitting at the table looking through one of the 18 thousand
wallpaper books I’d brought home from the decorator store.
Hubby had on grungy jeans with holes in the knees & grass stains everywhere
& a dirt smudged shirt. Actually, it all looked pretty damn good with his heavy
5 o’clock shadow & messy hair. He asked me if I had laundry to do
(‘cuz chicks dig when you ask them that). When I said yes, he went to the
laundry room & started taking off the grunge clothes.

I shouted a comment from where I was sitting...something along the lines of...

“Dance for me, baby!”

or

“Shake that sweet thing!”

I don’t remember what I said, but he came dancing out of the laundry room,
shaking what God gave him & throwing clothes at me. He swung his shirt over
his head & threw it, it landed in my lap...off came the jeans, they landed on the
table. He was rocking his ass in his tighty whities for me...then in a flash,
they were off & flying towards the stove. I was loving it & laughing
extra hard...only party because you can see into the kitchen from the front door
(which was open). I was going to tell him that my mother was due to arrive
at any minute to help me pick out wallpaper...

...but how would that have been funny?
 

Let's talk...







..sperm



Dick
8====o~

Thursday, April 14, 2005

 

One More for Naked Week

Thankfully, this next naked story does not star me.

This story involves a beach & a baby.
A couple of summers ago, my sisters & I shared a beach house.
One sister is older than me, the other is younger. My older sis, E
is an uncomplaining earth mama type. My younger sis, B
is a crabby bitch type. I love them both completely.

We had just come off the beach after a long beautiful day in the sun.
E’s son J was a year old & covered in sand, he looked like he’d been breaded
with sand & deep fried. E decided to jump in the outside shower
that was on the side of the house. They took a joint shower & when she
was finished cleaning J up, she shouted for one of us to please come & take
the baby from her so that she could wash her hair. B & I were on the patio
having cocktails nearby. B got up from her chair & went over to the shower.
E opened the door...but the damn thing must have been spring loaded...’cause
it shot all the way open with a bag. B instantly collapsed in an uncontrollable
fit of hysterics & split seconds later...I did the same. We giggled till we couldn’t
take it anymore...we couldn’t breath & our ribs were starting to hurt.

There stood E, frozen in horror...both arms straight out in front of her,
holding baby J out like she was about to hand off a pass.
She was stark ass naked & being gawked at by her two sisters
& a family of four who happened to be walking by on their way
home from the beach.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

 

Anyone?...Anyone?...Bueller?

OK, this didn’t actually happen this week, but to keep "Naked Week" going
I got another one to throw at you.

This really happened a couple of months ago. This story involves a gym
locker room & nudity (AGAIN? You say? Yeah, AGAIN!...so suck it & deal...
I might be channeling Pink here...but I can’t be sure).

On the weekends, I sometimes sneak into Hubby’s gym for a quick swim.
His gym is a part of a hotel & spa. I’m only telling you this little factoid,
because you just never know what kind of characters might be having
a convention or party on any given day. We’ve witnessed everything from big,
beautiful Indian weddings...the lobby was filled with exotic looking women
in the most vividly colored saris...to huge (Saul took a second mortgage on the
house to pay for it all) bar mitzvahs. I was actually hit on in an elevator
by a cocky 13 year old bar mitzvah boy who asked me to join his private party
up in his room. I ended up laughing & hugging him for making my day
...then I slapped him for trying to squeeze my ass (I told you, the little bugger
was cocky).

So, there I was one weekend, in the locker room, getting ready for a swim.
A woman walks into the locker room. She’s speaking German to her kid.
I think nothing of it & continue to change into my bathing suit.
I don’t know when it hit me that something just wasn’t right...but I got this
terrible feeling in my gut & immediately looked up to find what I thought
was a kid, looking straight at me.

The first thing I thought was, kids don’t usually have 5 o’clock shadow,
do they? Shit, this kid looked to be about 12 or 13 years old. What was he doing
in the women’s locker room? Are they so nonchalant about nudity in Europe
that they allow teenage boys in women’s locker rooms to oooogle
freaked out Americans?

My next thought? Damn, I just inadvertently flashed a teenage boy.

The thought after that? If I was a 13 year old girl...I’d have a choice to make
between bar mitzvah boy & the peeping German.
 

Mercy Fuck Fundrasier

Yes it's that time of year again...Our dear friend Koochie is about to hit rock bottom. Here is a great guy, funny, kind, loves kids, a cock on him that could choke a horse (we know this because he tried) and most importantly ladies...he loves to muff dive. What more do you want in a guy?!
Now what we need are several volunteers, preferably someone with a Koochie, who won't mind saving this poor soul. There are some qualifications she must match, Koochie isn't THAT desperate (well he is but ssshhh). She MUST have at least 2 limbs, any combination is fine, two legs, two arms, or one of each. If you do have only 2 legs you must be able to grip cylindrical objects with your toes. You can not be over 90 years of age because Koochie could put that other foot of yours in the grave. There is no weight limit.
To apply please send a brief bio along with a photo, naked shots a plus. Send them to "Fuck this Bastard, Please" the Koochie Volunteer Commitee, (me), will spend hours of research to find the perfect match for our beloved friend. Let's end his suffering now Ladies. Come on he need us.

Dick
8====o~

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

 

Naked Week...Anyone?

For two days in a row, someone called my name...
& then there was nudity...strange, huh?

Yesterday, I ran down to the gym at work in the afternoon.
I don’t usually have that much time...so I really did run down there.
I plowed my way directly into the locker room. I had my shoes off in a flash
& was just lifting my top over my head when I heard a man’s voice say,

“Wait, we’re in here fixing the shower.”

& all of a sudden, I see Joe from Engineering Services, sticking his face around
the corner...eyeballing me. Then, I see Wendy (the skinny gym bitch)
running at me screaming,

“Chick! I forgot to put the closed sign on the locker room door...
don’t get undressed!”


Gee, Bitch, couldn’t you have been a little bit quicker & saved me
the embarrassment of standing in front of Joe, the 300 pound
maintenance worker...in my bra?
 

Most embarrassing moment #1

I was about 16 or 17 growing up an Albino in Jersey City. My sister (the oldest) was part of the in crowd. Always hung out with all the cool people and was the most popular. She had a hot blonde friend "Anna". Well for some strang reason (even to this day I don't understand) my sis asked me if I wanted to go to a sun tanning salon with her and Anna. Well I'd go anywhere Anna was going.
When we got there I had no idea what I was in for all I know this was a way for me to get a shade darker than "sun" and maybe be cool in the eyes of Anna. So my sis and Anna have a membership already and they leave me there to sign in by myself while they go tan. The guy behind the desk asks me if I'm going to be naked, I said "what?" He said some people wear shorts some are nude. We'll if I'm going to be nude someday with Anna, I better be tan all over I thought. hee hee hee.
He says you need a pair of glasses to protect yourself against the lights, "what color do you want he asks?" Green I say. This is easy.
He asks if I want to wear a sticker,
"a sticker?"
yeah he says "it shows how tan you are getting",
"sure!"
"What sticker would you like?",
"I'll take the heart."
So then he takes me into the first tanning booth directly across from the people who are sitting waiting next in line. He shows me how the timer works and the lights tells me how to lock the door and leaves. My mind is still on how the lights work when he's gone.
The first section of the cubicle is where you get changed then there is this little doorway to the other section where all the lights are. I get undressed and put my little green glasses on that make me look like a lizard, and stick this little red heart sticker on my chest.I turn the timer to 7 minutes lock the door and step into the light. I'm standing there listening to Madonna through the piped in music. I hear a noise....I'm standing there naked, lizard like with a red heart sticker, that's it. I'm thinking to myself.."did I lock the door the right way?" "was that the noise I heard?" I step out of the lights into the dressing part and reach for the lock on the door, with that it swings wide open away from me.
I quickly hid behind the wall. The door was wide open, and the people sitting in the chairs right outside my cubicle were wondering, I'm sure, if someone's coming out. So there I was.. the day I was trying to better myself for all of women kind and I find myself naked hiding behind a wall wearing nothing but lizard glasses and a heart sticker. I bravely leaned over naked in front of everyone grabbed the door and smiled, I thought if I smile really big they might not notice everything else.
I closed the door, locked it this time and stood there in the burning lights thinking "what a loser".
When we all got together and left there I was sure everyone knew, my sis and Anna. So I told them the whole sordid story, they laughed for a few years.
Fast forward about 7 years...I come back from a party dressed up like I was right out of GQ. Anna is hanging out with my sis. I find out later she thought I looked hot and was interested in me. At a New Year's party in NY she and I hooked up and kissed all night long, I had this shit eating grin I couldn't get rid of. And my brother (a nasty drunk) was giving me the evil eye all night long. In the car going home he tried to start a fight with me. He was saying "You think your hot shit huh?" and I was practically laughing saying "yep!" He wanted to slap the smile off my face, thank God it was a short drive.
About a month later Anna and I went out for a dinner date. It was horrible. When I dropped her off at her place I got out and walked her to her door kissed her cheek and went back to my car. I went to my door and realized I locked the door. My car was still running. Anna is still looking at me through the door window, I walked around and said a small prayer she didn't lock her door. It was still open thank God. I opened the passenger door reached in and unlocked the driver's door. I got up and she is still looking at me with a big friggen grin on her face. I walked around opened the driver's door and got in..somethings never change.

Dick
8====o~

Monday, April 11, 2005

 

April Showers

Sunday morning, 11:00 AM.

I turn on the shower, let the hot water run for a bit...then climb in.
I’m just starting to wash my hair, when I faintly hear my name being called.

"Hey Chick?"

"I’m in the shower."

"Oh, OK."

I hear footsteps coming up the steps & all of a sudden, my sister in law
is in the bathroom with me, closing the toilet seat, sitting down & making
herself comfy.

I really don’t mind visitors. But...I have to tell you...I was a little less than
comfortable with sis in law watching me shower. I have glass doors on my
shower...so...there was no hiding to be done. I’m not uptight about
nakedness...really..I’m not. But I’m usually surprised when it’s dealt with in
such a casual way. She just kept chatting with me...like I wasn’t incredibly
exposed & vulnerable (& nekid!). She went on, & on about...hell...I don’t even
know what the fuck she was saying...all I kept thinking was
...she’s seeing my boobies, did I shave my other leg?...she’s still NOT leaving!

My sis in law is the kind of person, who chats constantly. We run together from
time to time...rather, I run & she yammers. I have a hard enough time keeping
up with her pace while just trying to breathe...while she increases her speed
& talks circles around me. I don’t know how she does it.

There she sat, happily chatting to me about nothing...she even handed me
my towel...never breaking babble stride at all.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

 

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

I guess Chick really doesn't know me. She couldn't believe I meant everything I wrote in my post about Brigadoon. She really thought I had ulterior motives. She's so right!!! I want to get laid by women in California so I'm going to write about a dance scene in a 1950's movie. Jesus. Then I find in a response on another's blog, Chick comparing me to a two year old. WTF?! The best is she told me like 3 times, "what? I gave you a compliment?" Gee thanks. "Girls, have fun...but beware...that’s all I’m saying" thanks for the compliment. Man oh man.... with friends like these....

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I think I know what happened to my GF's heart, she fell asleep and one of those pods took over her from "Invasion of the body snatchers" she looks the same...but something's different... no human emotions...Now I'll have to stay awake tonight and keep one eye on her. So I think from now on I'll just refer to her as the "POD", it suits her just fine. Tonight when I was leaving the house on my dinner break, she was laying in bed and I was saying goodbye, she said "see ya' " not even looking at me, flipping through the channels. God is this what it feels like to be a woman, neglected because your partner can't even take their eyes off the tv for a second? I feel like such a fucking girl. So I said "WTF?" .."I'm leaving and you can't even look at me? "You used to say drive safe, have a good night, I'll miss you and now I get "see ya' "?" Jesus. So I started leaving and she said "Come back I want to give you a hug" I told her "give it to me later" Fucking POD woman. I'm really tired of this shit.

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People if I really told you what I'm like you would shit, you would here a collective "Sigh" across the country because when it comes to being a romantic I wrote the fucking book! Chick of course would still think it's all a ploy. Don't trust him women!! I'm tired of that shit too. I will tell you one thing I did do, it was one of my top 5.
For my Ex's first Mother's Day I went out and bought about 75 red roses, each one had the little plastic vile of water on it, while she was sleeping I went to where I hid the flowers and CAREFULLY laid them all over the bed, I had one in my hand and I woke her up and gave it too her, she was saying "awwwww" because of the one flower, what she didn't even notice was the bed, covered in them. I then gave her a pretty piece of lingerie, because she just had a baby and I wanted her to feel good about herself again. It was spring and the dogwood tree in our yard had these beautiful petals, that is what I put in the box to cover the lingerie. The last thing I did for her at the very same time she's in bed is I sang her a Billy Joel song but I changed the words so it related to us. This is the kind of person I am. I have lots more stories like that, I just wish I had someone who would appreciate it. I left many a card in the POD's purse just so later in the day she would find it, all I ever got was "thanks for the card". Do you think maybe the pod could get a hint and try to reciprocate? Fuck no. Pod's are made of leafy green vines, not anything human.

Well, I'm sure to hear more of Dick being soft shit and it's a ploy shit, and I guess it's okay. When I do joke is usually is testosterone laden. That is a big part of me I kinda have a hard exterior but I have a soft side. A Brigadoon side. Just like Gene Kelly I guess, strong yet romantic. Now I need to find my Fionna, before the body snatchers find her first.

Dick
8====o~

Friday, April 08, 2005

 

Flowers & Hearts

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A couple of days ago...I spoke of loving people with...
Secret Evil Plans.
Well, I love Dick this morning because...he’s got one (see below).
Ain’t he the best?

Girls, have fun...but beware...that’s all I’m saying.

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Heather on a Hill

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This Past weekend I watched for the umpteenth time the movie Brigadoon. It was pouring, fucking buckets people, I was day- dreaming of true love... I guess. Wishing for it. Wondering if I could ever be lucky enough to find it, keep it, nurture it, and make it last. I'm not a believer in happy endings, (maybe it's because EVERYONE I fucking know is either miserable or divorced) I always believed Romeo and Juliette probably would have killed each other someday... So there I was contemplating, and then I remembered I got TIVO, better yet... I got Brigadoon on Tivo. So I started to play Brigadoon, read a book, and listen to the rain, yes all three because I got ADD, thanks Dad.
If you are not familiar with the story line it's a fantasy where 2 guys from NY, go hunting in Scotland. One finds true love, he gives it up and goes back to NY. The rest you have to watch.
There is this scene however when Gene meets Fionna, she is going up a hill to collect heather, (something that not enough women do these days) and Gene asks if he can walk with her. At the top of the hill is where Gene takes her and they dance... This may sound stupid, but if you could show what "Love" is, it would be the next five minutes of this movie. The music.. the grace..the way he held her, you could feel the passion coming right out of their bodies, it was all unbelievable. I could watch that forever.
A big buzz kill, my GF came in and I asked her if she wanted to see this special part of the movie, remind you it's a tranquil, relaxing, rain pounding Saturday afternoon. Any person with a romantic cell in their body would comply, not her. I think they removed her heart the last time she gave birth or something. This is the most UN-romantic person I have ever met.
Well, if you ever want a movie to watch on a rainy day, and dream about the one you love, or wish you had to love, this is the movie.

Dick
8====o~

Thursday, April 07, 2005

 

Shoes Again!

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ABC This..

• Almost - all of these ABC things are goofy too..
I'd rather see pictures of shoes.

Ok enough beating up on Chick, I love her, yes I do. Well at least I did about 3 times last week. Ha! Man she's going to kill me. I will admit my sneaks look like I cut them down off a telephone wire. Ratty as hell. As you can tell I have shit to say, suck it and deal as Pink would say.

I just wanted the last word before Chick comes and starts putting pictures of flowers and frilly things on here. This blog needs some testosterone damn it!

I Love you all!!!!

Dick
8====o~

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

 

ABC meme

  • Accent - Pompous, overeducated, Eastern Seaboard sounding accent...except when I use my Peewee Herman voice.

  • Bra size - I’m not sure. I have to get Tiffany at Victoria’s Secret (you know, the one in the mall, by the Cinnabon) to measure me again.

  • Chore I hate - hovering

  • Dad's name - James the Great.

  • Essential make-up - Lipstick

  • Favorite perfume - Clean

  • Gold or Silver - Neither, I don’t look good in metallics.

  • Hometown - A small big ten college town, where the school’s mascot
    is nicknamed Brutus.

  • Interesting fact - Duck’s quacks don’t echo...no one knows why.

  • Job title - Queen of all that I see...

  • Kids - Do husbands...or friends named Dick count...at all?

  • Living arrangements - Estate house with an electric gate & a butler named Quincy.

  • Mom's Birthplace - A very Italian section of Brooklyn...
    I still have some very large cousins there...so don’t mess with me.

  • Number of apples eaten in the last week - 7...an apple a day, literally.

  • Overnight hospital stays - a couple for falls, once, when Dick pushed me...
    he still thinks it’s funny.

  • Phobia - Spiders, falling elevators, Dicks with ugly shoes.

  • Question you ask yourself a lot - Are we there yet?

  • Religious affiliation - Raised Catholic...but I now search
    for all the best the other religions have to offer.

  • Siblings - 3

  • Time I wake up - 8ish...or when the cock crows 3 times.

  • Unnatural hair color - Magenta

  • Vegetable I refuse to eat - I’ll eat ANYTHING green.

  • Worst habit - Being late.

  • X-rays - A bunch...the last one was an ass x-ray...to see if
    I fell hard enough on my butt to break my tailbone again (I didn’t).

  • Yummy food I make - The best chocolate cake EVER!

  • Zodiac sign - Cancer (I’m fiercely protective of the one’s I love...just know that).


  • Stolen from Here. So...I'm not to blame for any...lameness...today...anyway...

    Tuesday, April 05, 2005

     

    Why my GF has two black eyes?

    Because I've done told her twice damn it!
    Yep we had a little falling out this weekend, she brought up my son in an unflattering manner, you all know my son right? THE GREATEST KID ON EARTH. Ok he is a great kid though. Well, any ho she said it's a "tug-o-war" for my attention, and that he doesn't always say hi to her and shit. To make a long story short I put her in her place today, and it felt good. Told her she's the adult and start putting forth an effort, he's 12 and not very good at conversation. Get a clue bitch!

    God Spare me please, if I see one more pair of shoes on a blog I'm going to shove my ratty sneaks in someones virgin booty.
    They are just SHOES! I don't get it? I really don't. My GF is on my ass ALL the time about my footwear, I wear them just so I don't step on a nail or dog shit, or worse a nail that's in dog shit. Those fucking animals will eat anything. I digress. Can't we see more bra shots? That's nice, preferably while they are still on the body. Panties? Thongs? Come on girls...get creative. If a guy looks all the way down to your feet and notices your shoes, he's gay.

    Do you remember where you were when the Pope died? I do, I was watching continuous live coverage of it. Christ. Now I know why Jesus died 2 thousand years ago, he didn't want to be interviewed carrying the cross, or watching the helicopters fly by while hanging from it. "Thanks for joining us if you just tuned in they are ready to nail the Christ to the cross, this nailing is sponsored by Home Depot." What the fuck?!

    Jerry Springer Quote of the day..
    "You Motherbleep, bleepsucking, bleep bleepbleepbleepbleep he's my bleepbleepbleepbleep"

    Dick
    8====o~
     

    Dress Me

    I had the hardest time getting dressed this morning.
    This hardly ever happens to me. Usually, by the time
    I'm out of the shower, divine inspiration has spoken to me &
    presto chango...I got myself an outfit.

    Today, I put on my new black stripey skirt that looked oh-so-good in
    the store's dressing room. On me this morning, it wasn't looking too
    good. It just wasn't hanging right...(it could have been me, I've felt
    crooked all day). Off came the skirt...on went my favorite black dressy
    pants (better). Now the search was on for the perfect top. I was in a
    black & white (no nonsense, cut the shit) kind of mood...so on went a
    straightforward white sleeveless top. This worked out well, except for the
    fact that my black bra was now showing through the pristine white of the
    top (it looked like my attempt at 80's Madonna-wear...gone business
    casual).

    The search was on for the perfect bra...because...you know...sometimes
    a white bra is too white & shows blatantly through the shirt & sometimes
    cream is almost as bad as black...depends on the exact white of the
    shirt...holy shit...are all women this insane when it comes to things like
    this? Yeah, at this point, maybe going back to bed was my best option.

    ...But I followed through & came up with a Body By Victoria
    seamless flesh colored bra. It still had the tags on it. I must have shoved it to
    the back of my underwear drawer, where it remained forgotten till
    today. This did the trick becoming undetectable under my top.

    Next came the black cropped jacket (because it still ain't spring-like
    here & it's cold). My black mules & black thigh highs were screaming at
    me from the closet, they came to me & were in place in a flash.

    I was satisfied with myself until I had to walk way too far to my
    office in shoes that simply were not meant to be walked in at all.

    My question to anyone out there who advocates dressing for anything
    other than comfort (you know who you are, you thong wearers, you) is, how do
    you walk in these?

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    I can walk in heels...but mules?! I find myself
    dragging my feet & that just looks silly.

    Monday, April 04, 2005

     

    Find Out

    Getting to know someone...piece by piece never fails to amaze me.

    When I find out someone has a dog, my opinion of them immediately goes up.

    When I see someone dance...really dance...you know...not a care
    in the world what anyone thinks...their stock goes up with me.

    When I find out someone has a love of reading...or better yet...words...
    I love them more.

    When I find someone has passionate opinions & an open mind...
    I love them more.

    When someone's kind...when they think no one's looking...I love them more.

    When I find out someone’s got a secret a secret evil plan...
    I think I love them even more.

    Friday, April 01, 2005

     

    Today

    I'm working from home today & I am:
     
    Obsessed with: Reading (Moneyball & American Photo),
    rotisserie baseball, licking the cowboy cleft in my hubby's chin
    (he's not home...so that will have to wait), chocolate cake
    (want a great recipe?...just ask me), bitchy women & these shoes.
     
    Elated over: My friend Randie's new baby (beautiful baby...too bad
    she's saddled with a stripper's name), potential vacation plans in California
    & my new eyelash curler.
     
    Less than delighted by: Dick (the butt fucker), who wanted to make me cry
    (see yesterday's comments...his philosophy...if he's got nothing to write
    ...a crying Chick is always funny...do I see a pattern emerging here?)
    & that damn annoying twitch in my left eye.

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