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...a male & female point of view...We are two former coworkers who share similar ideas on what's absurd...or just plain funny...thought we could offer a unique view on life & stuff...
Monday, March 21, 2005
If I had a Penis...
This song is making me laugh my ass off today. I wish I knew the tune...
I'd be singing it all day! Previously, I said that I wanted to stop hiding
my weirdess, here's the first small step.
Oh...how I wish I'd written this...
If I had a penis I'd wear it outside
In cafes and carlots with pomp and with pride
If I had a penis I'd pamper it proper
I'd stay in the tub and use me as a stopper
If I had a penis I'd take it to parties
Stretch it and stroke it and shout it at smarties
I'd take it to pet shows and teach it to stay
I'd stuff it in turkeys on thanksgiving day
I'd rival my buddies in sportscars and stickshifts
I'd shower my spire with girlies and gifts
I'd peek around corners
I'd aim at my toilet
I'd poke it at foreigners
And soap it and oil it
If I had a penis I'd run to my mother
Comb out the hair and compare it to brother
I'd lance her, I'd knight her, my hands would endulge
Pants would seem tighter and buckle and buldge
A penis to plunder, a penis to push
Cause one in the hand is worth one in the bush
A penis to love me, a penis to share...
To pick up and play with when nobody's there
I'd sit like a guy, I'd straddle my chair
I'd play with my fly, albeit with care
I'd dip it in chocolate, I'd stick it in sockets
Go to the movies with hands deep in pockets
I'd stick it in vacuums on french verandas
Gas-guzzling bottles and poodles and pandas
And puddles and drain pipes and doggies and ditches,
Poolhalls and potholes and bottles and bitches...
Zucchinies and zebras, tomatoes, tomatoes,
And pineapple pumpkins, and gulches and gratoes,
And mellons and marshmellows...
Gloves and gorillas
Slurpies and slippers
Chinooks and chinchillas...
A penis to plunder, a penis to push
Cause one in the hand is worth one in the bush
A penis to love me, a penis to share...
To pick up and play with when nobody's there
If I had a penis, I'd climb every mountain
I'd force it on females
I'd pee like a fountain...
If I had a penis I'd still be a girl,
But I'd make much more money and conquer the world.
Penis Envy by Uncle Bonsai
I'd be singing it all day! Previously, I said that I wanted to stop hiding
my weirdess, here's the first small step.
Oh...how I wish I'd written this...
If I had a penis I'd wear it outside
In cafes and carlots with pomp and with pride
If I had a penis I'd pamper it proper
I'd stay in the tub and use me as a stopper
If I had a penis I'd take it to parties
Stretch it and stroke it and shout it at smarties
I'd take it to pet shows and teach it to stay
I'd stuff it in turkeys on thanksgiving day
I'd rival my buddies in sportscars and stickshifts
I'd shower my spire with girlies and gifts
I'd peek around corners
I'd aim at my toilet
I'd poke it at foreigners
And soap it and oil it
If I had a penis I'd run to my mother
Comb out the hair and compare it to brother
I'd lance her, I'd knight her, my hands would endulge
Pants would seem tighter and buckle and buldge
A penis to plunder, a penis to push
Cause one in the hand is worth one in the bush
A penis to love me, a penis to share...
To pick up and play with when nobody's there
I'd sit like a guy, I'd straddle my chair
I'd play with my fly, albeit with care
I'd dip it in chocolate, I'd stick it in sockets
Go to the movies with hands deep in pockets
I'd stick it in vacuums on french verandas
Gas-guzzling bottles and poodles and pandas
And puddles and drain pipes and doggies and ditches,
Poolhalls and potholes and bottles and bitches...
Zucchinies and zebras, tomatoes, tomatoes,
And pineapple pumpkins, and gulches and gratoes,
And mellons and marshmellows...
Gloves and gorillas
Slurpies and slippers
Chinooks and chinchillas...
A penis to plunder, a penis to push
Cause one in the hand is worth one in the bush
A penis to love me, a penis to share...
To pick up and play with when nobody's there
If I had a penis, I'd climb every mountain
I'd force it on females
I'd pee like a fountain...
If I had a penis I'd still be a girl,
But I'd make much more money and conquer the world.
Penis Envy by Uncle Bonsai
