...a male & female point of view...We are two former coworkers who share similar ideas on what's absurd...or just plain funny...thought we could offer a unique view on life & stuff...

Thursday, November 30, 2006


Oh Nothing

As I'm sitting here typing this...I have half a clementine shoved in my mouth...that's just the kinda day today's going to be.

Know what I love more than anything? I love it when the guy that's fixing your gutter (whommmm you've forgotten was scheduled to show up today...oh...by the way) is standing on your roof looking at you blog in your pj's while stuffing huge pieces of fruit into your mouth...love it.

I also can not contain myself when I try to jam my weekly food shopping trip into my Wednesday night...entering the store at 8:50 not being aware that on that night (& that night only)...they close their doors at 9PM. Why the hell don't you think they told me this as I breezed in carelessly with a shopping cart 10 stinkin minutes before closing time? Did they want to see me race around the store after they made their...WE ARE CLOSING IN 5 MINUTES...announcement? Did they actually want me to plow into the slow (& by slow I DO mean mentally challenged this time) shoppers who happened to be in the way of my progress? BTW...I DID finish my shopping in just a smidge under 11.2 minutes.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


No Words From Me Today

The words of someone else sum it up for me today:

"In front of me, a couple is fighting. They're desperately trying to disguise their argument from the world of the street, and they are failing. I can't make out the specifics of their tiff, but it seems that there's something that he always does that drives her crazy, something that makes her feel she is making a mistake by continuing to be with him, and that he has little desire to stop doing it. She is saying, "I don't know why you always do this," and he is trying to ignore her, walking faster and looking away, but she is right behind him and she is speeding up, and I am speeding up to stay with them, and she is starting to yell now, and what had been his mutterings a few seconds earlier are starting to become shouts. He is waving his arms in a robotic manner, as if this is a conversation he has had too many times already and lacks the energy to give even the most feeble resistance. He says something to her that I can't make out, and she stops and begins to cry. He tries to keep walking, wants desperately to keep walking, but he can't now, and he turns to come back to her, looking sympathetic and guilty, and I speed past the both of them"...& know exactly how they both feel.

Source...this guy wrote it. (but I stole it fair & square).

So what...maybe I'm in a melodramtic mood today...so...damn...what.

Monday, November 27, 2006


The island was beautiful. I have photos that I've hidden away somewhere showing the huge palm trees & exotic beaches...I'll look for them. It was years ago that I went away on vacation with a girlfriend. We chose one of those all inclusive deals. We were both single-ish with some degree of a boyfriend each...but wanting to enjoy a girlie vacation.

We landed on the edge of a tropical island with #30 sunblock, a couple of bathing suits, T-shirts & not much else.

This island happened to be French, topless & lovely. The fact that rum was about half the price of bottled water didn't bother us one damn bit. We melted into paradise & never wanted to leave. We joked about missing our return flight home on purpose.

We'd see Laurie & Jess everyday at breakfast. They were sisters from Atlanta & they'd usually end up being at the center of any crowd. Jess had huge blue eyes & even huger breasts...I only say that because this one guy kept trying to sit by her at dinner most nights. He'd drop little gems like..."what a great set of EYES you have"...(said while starring straight at her bikini top just willing her nipples to poke their friendly selves through). We'd laugh ourselves silly (willing him to either leave or entertain us some more).

One night the tropical air (& possible too much rum) got the best of me...so my friend walked me back to our room. It was still early...so I told her that I'd be OK & that she should go back out & have fun (what fun was I going to be all passed out & sloopy?).

She left & I drifted off laying there in my clothes. I started having these visions in my head about that annoying guy from dinner. I tossed & turned...but his face kept appearing to me in a foggy nightmare, he was everywhere. I was too out of it to know that I just should have gotten up...splashed some cold water on my face...& gone back to bed...then maybe this horrible image would have left me.

I have no idea how long it took me to actually try to get up...no idea at all...all I know is when I tried...I couldn't. I felt weighted down. How much did I drink that my limbs no longer worked? I tried to move again with little success & then I heard it...a voice told me to stop moving...the Earth stopped spinning & I froze...I've never sobered up so quickly before or since.

My body went still & my mind started to race. Someone was there in the dark with me & I knew without seeing his face...I knew who it was. He was over me...he was crushing me to the bed. He began to tug at my clothes. I tried not to panic...but the tears started pouring & he started laughing...laughing...the son of a bitch started laughing...I gave it my all & pushed him almost all of the way off of me...he came back & placed one hand over my mouth & the other around my throat & squeezed...I choked & couldn't breathe.

At this piont the lights flashed on & my girlfriend was standing in the doorway in disbelief. I still couldn't speak. He just looked at her & tried to jerk me up by the arm & drag me past her to the beach...saying that I wanted to go...that I needed a walk.

When she started screaming..."Get the fuck out of here now"...he left & mumbled something about the fact that we deserved each other...probably the only truth to ever come out of his mouth.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


Happy Thanksgiving

(my nieces aren't allowed to eat on Thanksgiving until they draw for me...even if they don't want to...or cry...I tell them...my house...my rules...& I thank you dad for the freedom to say things like that.)

Am I glad that Thanksgiving is here?

Hard to say.

I'm glad that I took 3 days off this week.

I'm glad that I got to start my days in the best possible way.

I'm glad I'm kicking ass in getting things done around here.

But I'm not glad that I seem to be letting the stress of it all worm it's way into my body & mind.

My mother's gonna call any minute. I just feel it. She's going to ask if I need any help. In her mind this is not a question. In her mind I NEED help. I'll say, "no mom...I've got things covered...but thanks for asking"...& she'll run down her mental list of what I should have gotten done my now & I'll silently sit there letting the words enter my ears while I swallow the vomit coming up from my soul...I'm being too dramatic?...you say...have you met my mother?...I say.

Happy Thanksgiving...I'm stopping my whining right now...damn it...

Saturday, November 18, 2006



Do you cry when you're happy?
When you're sad?
How about frustrated?

I just read this the other day:

"Tears are our response to life's unfairness.
We cry to make things right."

Think that's true?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006



...kindness & beauty, softness & curves, hardness that yields, music, solace, green apples, sustenance, trains that rumble ahead, fear, pushed onto the tracks, worry, breathe, fly, get dirty, passion, flowers under a cloudy sky, sunrises in the desert, ice cream, drool, look, long, treadmills that go too fast, traffic, love letters, flannel shirts, laughter, animal crackers, black & white photos, the philosophy of art, shoeboxes, reactions, honey, numbers, ribs that break & hugs with intent, stockings that go up to here, smiling eyes...

Monday, November 13, 2006


Self Service

Ever use those self-checkout aisles in the supermarket?
I usually don't.
For some reason this Saturday I did.
After much swearing at the voice coming out of the scanner
'cuz it kept on telling me that...
Then shutting down my progress
until I shoved my stuff all the way down the counter
then having to scan most of my UPC codes 2x
(until the swearing stopped pouring out of my mouth)
I finally started bagging my loot...

As I was doing this
Along comes Mr. Happy Shopper Man
& what does he do with a smile?
He starts adding to my bill with his very own purchases
Until I screamed...stop!
(or maybe I said...hey motherfucker what do you think you're doing?!...ok...
maybe I did just say stop).

He scanned his thousand pound bag of kitty litter onto my bill.

It seriously took the checkout girl about 20 mins
to get this all straightened out.

She took my tea & apples off the bill too
By innocent mistake
& I didn't stop her
(it only amounted to a buck 86 in free shit for me)
but still...

Is it worth another self-service try to next time?

Thursday, November 09, 2006


From my eighth grade autograph book (I'm such a GIRL).
Mr. Russo, my science teacher signed it.
I loved his class.
He was a dark haired, bearded guy in his early thirties.
He was passionate about teaching.
He wrote something different in each kid's book.
To this day...I have no idea why he wrote this in mine.

Monday, November 06, 2006


Two weekends ago we went to the horse races. This is an event a cousin of mine buys tickets to every year & invites a hodgepodge of people to & it's unique & fun & lots of beer & wine & great food is consumed my all.

It's held rain or shine. This year it looked like rain. It poured the night before & in the morning there was nothing but mud...but I simply couldn't be prepared for the sheer magnitude of it...really...hip high boots would not have been out of place.

Check out the pics.


Told you.

Thursday, November 02, 2006


The week so far:

To the kid who wrote 'FUCK YOU' on my house...on my house!!...(oh no you didn't!)...because no one was home in time to give the little prick his candy on Halloween...I hope you die in burning hell (with lots of pain in sensitive areas)...because that's a horrible sight to have to come home to.

To The District Court that sent me a SUMMONS for JURY DUTY...can I just write 'FUCK YOU' on the side of the courthouse & leave it at that?


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