...a male & female point of view...We are two former coworkers who share similar ideas on what's absurd...or just plain funny...thought we could offer a unique view on life & stuff...

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

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The lovely Tara tagged me (I can't resit a good tagging...really...I can't):

7 things I plan to do before I die:
1. Love more people (Now, here's a flower child answer if ever there was one...peace).
2. Travel much more than I already have
3. Grow at least another inch taller.
4. Buy a cottage at the beach.
5. Go to a World Series Game.
6. Teach.
7. Learn how to shoot a gun (just because).

7 things I can do:
1. Cook my ass off.
2. Grow pretty flowers.
3. Amuse myself.
4. Be friends with an ex.
5. Decorate awesome cakes.
6. Change my car's oil (ok, I can't do it...but I can CHECK it...does that count for anything?)
7. Tack & groom a horse.

7 things I cannot do:
1. Eat quickly.
2. Stop taking pictures.
3. Drive slowly.
4. Whistle well.
5. Read while running on a treadmill.
6. Go to sleep early.
7. Be cruel on purpose.

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. Sense of kindness & insight.
2. Sense of humor.
3. Intelligence.
4. Manners.
5. Easy smile.
6. Hugs that squeeze the life out of me.
7. Beautiful & talented hands.

7 things that I say most often:
1. Are you kidding me?
2. What the...?
3. Get out of my way.
4. Lovely.
5. Niiice.
6. What's shakin'?
7. Enjoy.

7 celebrity crushes:
See yesterday...I listed ten.

7 people I want to do this:
1. Pink
2. Jeff
3. Patricia
4. Min
5. Melanie
6. David
7. Mike

I hate choosing only 7!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005


My HOT List

Stole this from Blazngfyre...I couldn't help myself...

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"Your mission if you choose to accept it: You have to sleep with 10 celebrities, 5 male and 5 female, I don't know why, maybe your life depends on it, maybe you just enjoy swinging both ways. Fact is you do. Pick them and tell me who and why. "

Ladies First...

1. Angelina Jolie - While I'm not into the whole...super human...lip thing...you just know that she'd be good in bed...ready to try anything.

2. Rachel Weisz - She's got the most lovely, interesting face. She's timelessly beautiful. Without question... she will still be stunning at 80.

3. Vanessa Williams - Any Miss America who can end up having such a great career...after getting dethroned...is A-OK by me...& have you seen her eyes?

4. Sarah Jessica Parker - The girl from Square Pegs has come a long way...in my book...that crazy curly hair, those legs, that stomach, those breasts...those shoes...besides...she married Ferris Bueller...how cool is that?

5. Dolores O'Riordan - I've always loved The Cranberries music & after seeing them live in an outdoor concert last year...I am now captivated by this woman who dances barefoot in tulle skirts & absolutely, hauntingly...owns the stage.


1. Brad Pitt - The most obvious...is first on the list. This man is not so much...good looking...he's beautiful. He drew me in...in Thelma & Louise...& by the time I watched A River Runs Though It...I was gone.

2. Denis Leary - He's so...unclassically good looking...but it's his sense of humor that brings me right over the edge.

3. Bruce Campbell - He's classically good looking...but doesn't take himself OR his B-movie career seriously in the least.

4. Colin Firth - Have you seen Pride & Prejudice or even Love Actually? The man simmers...slowly.

5. Patrick Dempsey - Another geek...turned hottie. He is the only reason I ever watch that silly medical show he's in...the only reason.

Monday, August 29, 2005


Is it Monday...already?!

Few words today...so I'll try to make up for it with pictures...

...from my time at the beach.

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Want more?

Sorry...no bikinis included...but I'll surely know better next time...

Friday, August 26, 2005


Young Sea by Carl Sandburg

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The sea is never still.
It pounds on the shore
Restless as a young heart,

The sea speaks
And only the stormy hearts
Know what it says:
It is the face
of a rough mother speaking.

The sea is young.
One storm cleans all the hoar
And loosens the age of it.
I hear it laughing, reckless.

They love the sea,
Men who ride on it
And know they will die
Under the salt of it

Let only the young come,
Says the sea.

Let them kiss my face
And hear me.
I am the last word
And I tell
Where storms and stars come from.

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More photos to come...

Thursday, August 25, 2005


Happy HNT

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Lust...you want lust? Here I am...on my first day at the beach (can you
tell by the pinkish pallor my legs had going for them?). I found myself
innocently sitting in my beach chair enjoying the
view...when...suddenly...this couple walks right on up...& plops their stuff
down directly in my line of vision. Now, normally I try not to stare...but...what
the hell...I was there first...so I took it as a sign that I was now allowed to
oogle them freely.

I silently thanked the sweet lord above...for making them
attractive...'cuz...really...who wants to be stuck oogling fugly people? (not this
pale pink girl...that's for damn sure).

As I was oogling & staring...I began to notice small things...the guy
(in the story in my head...he was called Ted) was lean, with subtly
defined muscles, messy hair & a lovely belly button. The girl (Sally...I
don't know why...she just ooozed Sallyness) was perky & cute & had these
adorable dimples above her arse).

They were in lust with each other...I could tell by the way they gently
& lovingly lubed each others wholesome bodies up with sunscreen. I
watched as Ted placed his hands on Sally & massaged her sweetly...she let
out a moan...I shuttered. I was paying close attention as she turned the
tables on him...& started rubbing him down in a surprisingly hard &
demanding way (who knew Sally had it in her?).

If I was made of stronger stuff...I'd have marched right over there...
& placed my blushing self smack dab in the center of the action...
& gotten a piece of it to call my very own.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005


The ABC's of My Vacation

  • Arm wrestle. My 13 year old nephew was obsessed with trying to beat me. (He can do it righty...but not lefty...yet).

  • Beach.

  • Cake. (Someone had a birthday).

  • Drown (I didn't).

  • Ear. I had sand in my ear (How did THAT get there?!).

  • Family (& LOTS of it).

  • Golden. My tan (NOT).

  • Hot tub.

  • Idiot (Yep...that's me).

  • Jello shots.

  • Kiss. (On the beach...what could be better?).

  • Lust (I'll post about this tomorrow...promise).

  • Miles of walking on the beach.

  • Nails. (Got myself one heck of a pedicure).

  • Ocean (You were thinking of something else?...yeah...so was I).

  • Pelicans.

  • Quarter. (One bar had 25¢ Coronas during happy hour).

  • Roof (Where the hot tub was).

  • Sunsets on the bay.

  • Transfusions. (Killer drink that my sister in law kept making for me).

  • U

  • V

  • Why did I come back...why?

  • X

  • Yoga. (I had every intention of making it to class...I just never did).

  • Z

  • Anyone want to help me out with these damn missing letters?

    Anyone at all?

    Tuesday, August 23, 2005


    Beach Boobs

    I spent the week at the beach with both my extended family & part of Hubby’s family. My sisters & I rented a giant house on the beach (by sisters...what I really mean is...sisters, husbands & various children...I mean the same damn thing in regards to Hubby’s family).

    The week was spent going from our rented house to theirs. I also had some cousins staying nearby as well. This is one of the joys of coming from a large...sorta close knit family (always someone to hang with).

    So, there I was...going from one group to the next...constantly. I couldn’t help but laugh...I’d go from my kinda curvy sisters...then spend some time with my less endowed sisters-in-law. I felt like I’d go from the land of boobies to...a place where the view of the world was still flat. Funny thing was...my sisters & I tend to be more modest in our choices of bathing suits. I lean toward bathing suits that are simple. Don’t get me wrong, I want them to look good...but I’m not a big fan of suits that are not functional. I’d be mortified if a boob pooped out during a game of volleyball or during a swim in the ocean (this year I chose a stunning 2 piece boob squasher).

    My sisters in law...on the other hand...didn’t seem to care that they were wearing suits that left them half nekkid. I’d be less modest...I really would be...but...I’m just not that into being whole or even half nekkid IN FRONT OF FAMILY...that’s all I’m saying...

    Monday, August 22, 2005


    & You Were Invited...

    I am back from a glorious week at the beach. Honestly, I could use another week spent doing what I damn well pleased in the sun & the sand (not to mention the hot tub on the roof...with an ocean view...pictures...surely...to come...)...oh, yes I could.

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    Our annual whiffle ball game on the beach somehow turned into a volleyball game. I’m not complaining...’cuz... quite frankly, I suck slightly less at volleyball. I’ve got a secret, killer serve...that takes ‘em by surprise...maybe I’m kidding myself here...but I take pride in it anyway (stop laughing...I do).

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    More people joined in the game as the day progressed...but all hope of documenting the game in photos fell down our list of priorities when one of my sisters came to the beach baring an iced cold cooler full of Coronas.

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    If I was going to attempt to title theses photos...I’d have to go with...Idiots on the Beach. The idiots include my Hubby, a cousin, a sister, a niece, 2 brothers-in-law & yours truly.

    I'm finding this...coming home...stuff...tough. One week just wasn't enough...

    Saturday, August 13, 2005



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    Well...I'm off to the beach for a week of fun in the sun.

    I'm unplugging (I'm going to try my damndest...anyway).

    This photo was taken last year right after it had rained.
    This was the entrance to the beach from our rental house...
    ...ain't it pretty?

    I'll be back Friday...& I might be in withdrawal from the above mentioned...unplugging...
    So, watch out...I'll be returning...hopefully, with tales of silliness, enchantment, embarrassing moments, intrigue & peace...& don't be surprised if I have photos to go with it all.

    I'm not sure if that's a promise...or a threat...

    Friday, August 12, 2005



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    I just had a twenty minute conversation with someone...

    ...& walked away thinking...

    Holy shit...

    I just bored myself to fucking death!

    It went something like this:

    Someone else: I just got back from vacation.

    Me: Oh, how interesting...dribble dribble, drabble drabble...

    Someone else: Yes, & a good time was had by all.

    Me: Really? Blah. blah. blah...(& oh yeah...I then wowed 'em with more...dribbles & a couple of drabbles).

    What the hell is up with this?

    Thursday, August 11, 2005


    Happy HNT

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    Last week, I posed in my very favorite socks...this week...it's my favorite jacket.

    This jacket is worn & torn & way too big for me...

    I can wear this jacket with anything...& usually do.

    Wednesday, August 10, 2005


    Smack Down

    I want to send a big shout out...to the well dressed saleswoman...who
    walked right into the glass wall outside my office today (she kissed
    that glass...& she kissed it hard)...the face print is still there. Oh,
    sure, she picked herself up off the floor with all the grace she could
    muster...but the damage had already been done.

    She walked away FAST...if she had looked behind her...she would have
    seen the vision that was me...with my head on my desk...laughing
    uncontrollable & trying not to inadvertently pee.

    Other people's physical pain
    is just sometimes damn funny...I'm sorry to those who don't get
    it...but it is...& I'm not really sorry.

    Tuesday, August 09, 2005


    Joe Somebody

    So, there I was...sitting innocently at work (guilty sitting could get a girl's ass fired) when my phone rang. I saw on the caller ID that it was Sue, from security...instantly her boyish image popped into my head...worst of all...she compliments her spiffy security uniform with man shoes...ugh. Seems she has a Joe somebody waiting in the lobby for me. I told her I'd be right down (no security breach was going to happen today, no sir-ee, when somebody tells me I have a Joe waiting for me...I march right down & pick the sucker up).

    I approached the lobby & peered my head around the corner...I saw an extremely neat (impeccable even) looking guy in a dark blue tailored suit. I approached cautiously (so as not to scare him...you just never know these days). I uttered a firm, Hello...& stuck out my hand & gave him my first name...he returned the gesture & did the same.

    The only person I had on my schedule to meet with today was Joe...from Copytech (he was supposed to come to fix a color printer for me)...I'd never met Joe before...but...as I stared at this well dressed man with the expensive looking briefcase...something did not add up. Was he just an anal repairman...who felt the need to over dress for his job? Was he a frustrated suity guy...stuck in a repairman's job? Was he an imposter...who just wanted access to my building...because he wanted to loot & pillage?

    As I stood there...pondering...I turned to Joe...who was intently walking beside me...& asked him...who...EXACTLY...he was there to meet. He looked at me...with an exasperated look on his face...(you know the one...where someone is just about to humor you...)...he said, "I'm here to interview with you, Chick"...(he left the "duh, you stupid, silly bitch...part off...but it was there...floating in the air...as he finished his sentence...oh...it was there alright). I asked again (trying my best to be patient...because he was starting to patronize my delicate sensibilities)...WHO was he here to meet...(stick with me here, I was asking for a LAST name).

    Ah...his answer came back wrong (same first name...different last name). At this...I stopped DEAD in my tracks & look him squarely in the peepers..."You got yourself the wrong girl!". He looked at me incredulously...like I'd actually LIE to him...just to get rid of his sorry, contemptuous ass (not a bad idea, really).

    I turned around...leaving him little choice but to follow me back down the hall. He landed right back where we started. I gave security Sue the skinny on what had happened & gave her the ol'...he's your stinking problem now...look & left Joe forever.

    Monday, August 08, 2005


    Random & Scattered

    Happy friggin Monday.

    I feel random & scattered today...is that bad?...or good?...I'm still up in the air about it...so...we'll see.

    I had a nice weekend...nothing too earth shattering happened. Went to one of those price club type places...you know...the kind of warehouse stores where you can get great things...at killer prices...but only if you buy one thousand fucking pounds of it. I don't know about you...but I do not want...or need...for that matter...that much of anything...but did I buy one thousand pounds of hamburger meat? Oh...yes I did...you see...I'm off to the beach next week (hooray) & I am responsible for cooking dinner one night...& rather than keep it simple...I've decided to ask every stinking person I know...to come for dinner that night (that's also the day of our cheat & beat 'em beach wiffle ball tournament)...are you coming? And...being part Italian...I have an irrational fear of being the host who runs out of food...so...I always over cook to a fault. This usually works out just fine & dandy...because...we tend to have awesome happy hours on the beach...& new...sometimes strange...but always interesting faces are bound to show up & be invited back to the house for dinner...so...maybe (this is how I'm thinking...in my warped...food baring mind)...one thousand pounds of hamburger...isn't even enough...(I'll let you know how it goes).

    Also...this weekend...found a wonderfully hidden place...a little pond (complete with jumping fish)...behind my neighborhood...that I never knew was there...don't you just love when you find little spots like this...

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    Friday, August 05, 2005



    A couple of days ago...
    Jay challenged herself to present her day...
    in 50 words or less...

    I am coming in at 18 words today...tah dah:

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    Thursday, August 04, 2005


    Happy HNT Again

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    In cotton candy pink socks.
    She sways & rocks.
    Leaping around the room.
    Dancing without gloom.
    Leaving the world far behind.
    In the symphony of her mind.
    Listening to the ticking clock.
    In her favorite little pink socks.

    Wednesday, August 03, 2005

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    I borrowed this creative idea from Oh Great One...
    Only because I had nothing else for today...
    Here's the photo...
    Now give me a caption...

    Tuesday, August 02, 2005


    Too Much Goo

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    I found myself standing in the middle of a Bath & Body Works store. Those type of stores just ask for trouble...am I right? They happily invite all who come through her doors to touch every godamed thing. I was in a touchy, feely mood...so I started my journey by molesting the nearest tube of moisturizer. It turned out to be something vile...like apple, pecan enriched lotion...eww...I'm not a big fan of most of the foody smells. I moved on to cucumber melon body
    cream...ok...I'm already discrediting my...no food smells...rule...but the cuke
    was doing something funky to my brain (that's my defense...& I'm sticking
    to it). I squeezed some lotion into my hand & started rubbing it into
    my hand & arms. The trouble started when I found myself with too much
    cucumber melony goopy goo in the palms of my hands. What to do...what to

    I rubbed some on my bare legs, then covered my stomach area...but
    alas...it was like the goo regenerated itself in my hands...I looked
    around...but no one was noticing my pain. I cut my way to the beginning of
    the line (much to the chagrin of the other shoppers who were waiting
    patiently to purchase their necessary evils). I asked clueless Kate (a
    teen with very little in the smarts department) if she had a tissue behind
    the counter for me...& I showed her my goo filled hands...& made
    a...help me...face. All she said was...no.

    I looked at her...then I looked at the gunk in my hands...then I
    looked at her again...ok, if this girlie was not going to be of any help at
    all...I would have to take matters into my own lotion oozing hands. I
    was just about to wipe them on one of the tableclothed display tables
    (making quite sure that Ms. Katie-Kate could see what her inaction had
    regrettably lead me to do)...when a kindly older lady saw what I was
    about to do...& dug a Kleenex out of her purse. She shoved it in my general
    direction. I looked at it closely...hoping that it was an not a
    used tissue...(thank the good lord in heaven...it was new).

    As I reached for the tissue...a great big blobby glob of Cucumber Melon Body Pleasures Cream crashed to the floor...& splattered onto
    a nearby woman's suede shoes. I saw it happen...but was helpless to
    stop it. My first thought was...oooohh...that ain't coming out...(have you
    ever tried getting goop of any kind out of suede?)...my second thought
    was...who the hell wears suede in August?

    Monday, August 01, 2005


    56 Questions

    Stole this from Lyvvie.

    Happy Monday.


    1. Nervous habits - Pulling on my necklace, biting lower my lip.
    2. Are you double jointed - Nope...but that doesn't stop me from trying.
    3. Can you roll your tongue - Yes.
    4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time - Kinda.
    5. Can you blow spit bubbles - no...yuck.
    6. Can you cross your eyes - Yes.
    7. Tattoos - None.
    8. Piercing - A couple in my ears...boring...I know.
    9. Do you make your bed daily - I do...yes...I anally do.


    10. Which shoe goes on first - Right.
    11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? - Who hasn't?
    12. On the average, how much money do you carry - Not much...just a debit card, an emergency credit card & lots of emergency one dollar bills...you know...in case I run across any hot strippers.
    13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7 - a necklace with on drop pearl on it...oh...wait...I broke that recently...by nervously pulling on it.
    14. Favorite piece of clothing - I have a great pair of retro leather dancing shoes...plus an old sweatshirt that has wholes in it...I stole it from an old boyfriend...long ago...it's soo soft.


    15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it - Twirl it (of course).
    16. Have you ever eaten Spam - Never...ever.
    17. Do you use extra salt on your food - Sometimes.
    18. How many cereals in your cabinet - 2. (Cheerios & granola).
    19. What's your favorite beverage - Tea...hot or cold.
    20. What's your favorite fast food restaurant - Baja Fresh(great Mexican food).
    21. Do you cook - I do...& I love it.


    22. How often do you brush your teeth - 2-3 times a day.
    23. Hair drying method - Hairdryer...or...if I have time...air dry.
    24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair - What girl hasn't?


    25. Do you swear - Sometimes...but never effectively.
    26. Do you ever spit - Again...yuck...no...& I'm not a big fan of spitters either.


    27. Animal - I can't choose...I love them all...except spiders.
    28. Food - Italian, Mexican...anything chocolate.
    29. Month - July.
    30. Day - Thursday.
    31. Cartoon - Kim Possible
    32. Shoe brand - Again...how can I choose? Sam & Libby's, Ann Taylor...I could go on...but I won't.
    33. Subject in school - History.
    34. Color - Green...for today anyway.
    35. Sport - Baseball.
    36. TV shows - Rescue Me & Six Feet Under.
    37. Thing to do in the spring - Gardening.
    38. Thing to do in the summer - Coronas on the beach, biking beautiful trails, swimming anywhere
    39. Thing to do in the autumn -Hiking in the mountains.
    40. Thing to do in the winter - Skiing, sledding...staing inside & drink coco.


    41. In the CD player - Right now...Barenakedladies (old stuff...but it's so fitting for summer).
    42. Person you talk most on the phone with - Annoying clients, Dick, sis.
    43. Reading - Skinny Dip...a silly, fun summer book...if ever there was one.
    44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows/mirrors - Sometimes...I'm not sure I'd say...regularly.
    45. What color is your bedroom - It's like a khaki green...with white molding...I love the color.
    46. Do you use an alarm clock - Yes.
    47. Window seat or aisle - Window...otherwise...how can you see where you're going?


    48. What's your sleeping position - Usually on my left side...curled up into a ball, very tight & small.
    49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket - Yes...the more covers...the better.
    50. Do you snore - I suppose I do...only in the spring...due to allergies.
    51. Do you sleepwalk - No, but I used to as a kid.
    52. Do you talk in your sleep - Yes & I moan too.
    53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals - Nope.
    54. How about with the light on - I like a distant light & I like the morning light to wake me up...so...no closed shades.
    55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on - I do.
    56. Last interesting person you met - I met a Starbucks
    barista...damn...if he wasn't chatty. I found out that he went to school at night,
    worked there during the day & loved to salsa dance...funny...he looked
    like a linebacker...the image of him salsa dancing cracked me up
    (ok...it's still cracking me up).

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