I'm a 32 year old nurse from Georgia. My mother still does all my
banking. My future husband tells me what to do (& God tells him what to do).

I am engaged to a man...but keep "love you" text messages on my
cellphone from another man that I dated in 2003. I was going to have a shit
kicking, over the top, southern, obscenity of a wedding. I was so looking
forward to shoving my 14 purple taffeta clad, overly made up
bridesmaids down the aisle in front of my 600 beloved guests.

When I went for a run a couple of days before the blessed event was set
to happen...a funny thing happened...I just kept on running (& somehow
I found the contents of my secret bank account in my itsy bits jogging
shorts). I got myself a bus ticket & headed for...Vegas baby!

How was I to know that all the suckers...I mean people who foolishly
love me were going to wonder what the fuck happened to me? Who thought
they would call the FBI?

Is it really a big deal to make fake 911 calls & act all confused &
goofy? Yeah...I told the operator I was kidnapped by a man & a woman,
thrown into a blue van, then sexually assaulted...but did it have to make
the evening news? Do you know how embarrassed me & my crazy eyes should
be? I have no clue why I'm not ashamed of my irratic behavior at all.
I am just going to go ahead & do a prime time interview with Katie
Couric. I'm going to tell her the truth. My answer to all of it is...
I don't know...hey that answer works for 3 year olds, right?

Who am I...& why should you care?