I was born a poor white child in L.A. in 1975.

I went to vocational school to become a massage therapist.

I had my first child when I was still kind of a child...& told some guy that he was the father (but honestly, how can I be responsible for knowing such things...I had a very active sex life back then...so sue me).

My best friend in the whole wide world introduced me to my dream guy.

We met & immediately went to his hotel room...maybe he took me to dinner first, I don't remember...but really...does it matter?

He looked married...but he told me he was single & that was enough for this simple girl.
(If you can't trust a cute stranger on the prowl...then who can you trust?!)

I took him to Christmas parties & continued to have unprotected sex with him.
(Hey, it's my thing...what can I tell you?)

My cute stranger went off on his travels...but called me often.

One day, my cop buddy (I never slept with him...so he must be gay) told me that my cute stranger had a missing pregnant wife.

I was pissed, I was trying not to sleep with any more married men (the wife gets all the good gifts...that's what mama says anyway).

I worked with the cops to nail the lying bastard (married?! How dare he!).

A feminist lawyer glommed onto me for dear life (that bitch is BOSSY...shit).

I wrote a book (yeah right).

My dear sweet (MARRIED!!! The bastard) stranger ended up getting the death penalty for lying to me...I mean for killing his very pregnant wife in cold blood.

All of this stress was no good for my back...
So I went to see a chiropractor.
He cracked me good.
& now we have a baby son together (he wants a paternity test...but my lawyer will not allow it).

Who am I?

...& why should you care?