...a male & female point of view...We are two former coworkers who share similar ideas on what's absurd...or just plain funny...thought we could offer a unique view on life & stuff...

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


My Lunch with Crazy

I sat on a park bench & read my book. It was lunch time & it was chilly.

Across the way a homeless woman walked up to a bench & sat down. She looked over & shouted something my way. All I heard was something about toast...huh? She was holding up some bread & shouting at me...seems she wanted to break bread with me...better yet...it was toast...how lovely.

I shouted a...no thanks...her way & went back to my book. Big mistake (what was I thinking anyway? Shouting anything at homeless people can only mean that I was asking for trouble...I've always known that...why the brain freeze?). She got up & started walking towards me...crap...was she gonna make me eat toast with her? Not really what I wanted to do...who knows where that toast had been?

She sat down on my bench...saying nothing...she started ripping up the toast & throwing it on the ground. Within minutes a million pigeons descended & snatched up the bread. She looked at me & offered me bread. As I took it from her hands I noticed she had chipped red nail polish. It was the prettiest shade of red. She also had extravagant gold earrings on (none of it went with the layers of greyish dirty clothes she wore...none of it). Was this woman living a normal life a few days ago or do homeless people usually have manicured nails & expensive jewelry? (quite honestly, I usually don't get close enough to notice such things about sulkers on the street).

As I sat there ripping up bread with this woman on my lunch hour...in the middle of New York City...I felt like I'd never judge anyone again...yeah, right...I've been reborn as some kind of a kind & loving nun like woman who loves everyone she comes in contact with...sure.

I left after my bread was all gobbled up by the birds & my mind had made up a thousand stories as to how that woman came to be homeless with elegance. Maybe she was hit on the head & forgot that she was some heiress that lived in style in a penthouse overlooking Central Park (have I been watching Lifetime too much again?).

As I started to walk away...I heard the filthiest stream of obscenities pour from the homeless diva's mouth...stuff that would make a sailor blush...I walked faster & didn't look back.

I spent my lunch hour with a crazy lady in the park...how pitifully cool am I?

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