So, I took some time to smell the roses today. OK, that’s just not true. I had to visit a joyful place. I had to go to the Social Security office to finally change my name with them...couldn’t they just talk to the idiots who issued me a driver’s license with my married damn name on it? Oh no...those are the very same fuckers who simply will not renew my license without proof of my married name (which they already...oh by the way...accepted allfrigginready).

I heeded out in search of the closest office. It was in a lovely new office complex. Posh lobby complete with a shiny chandelier, the spiffy elevator (I swear...you could have eaten off the floors they were so clean & new) carried me to the second floor. I walked down a swanky artwork covered hallway & opened the doors to government agency hell. They managed to take a beautiful new building & create a corner of cheap filth in what little time the building has been open. The linoleum floors already had that yellowish grime on them that I’ve only seen at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

I took a number & sat down on a plastic chair with one short leg. I spent my time tilting back & forth on my funky, falling apart chair (every time I leaned forward or back...the legs of the chair hit the floor with a bang...I was hoping to annoy all those around me so they’d push me to the front of the damn line...) what happened instead was:

The woman sitting to my left (her right leg overflowed from her chair onto mine & she was touching me)...she also kept itching her head (& we are now talking little lady-like itches...she was full on SCRATCHING her scalp like there was something IN THERE...ugh)...I couldn’t move to another chair...because they were all taken.

I tried to concentrate on something else...but the overhead speaker that was supposed to be calling the next number was silent except for this awful yet constant BUZZING that would not stop. In my left ear all I heard was itch, itch, itttccchhhh & in my right...BUUUUUUZZZZZ. Torture, I was thinking that’s what this was until I saw the poster on the wall of a gun in a circle with a line through it. Were they trying to tell me that I couldn’t bring a gun in there? A little blood & guts would definitely get this line moving.

Why did I change my name anyway? Should I file this under...stupid things women do for love?