...a male & female point of view...We are two former coworkers who share similar ideas on what's absurd...or just plain funny...thought we could offer a unique view on life & stuff...

Friday, October 06, 2006


My Panty Tense Story

A couple of months ago I had more tension in my body than I knew what to do with...so I booked a massage. Don’t say it...I know there are better ways to relieve friggin tension...believe you me...I know that (whatever that means...I never understood sticking you in there when clearly me would have been sufficient).

For some reason, my mind can’t seem to stay on track with this story...but have faith...I’ll get there (if not, what’s the point? Where’s the release?).

OK, I'm focusing. I booked a massage at a swanky spa that a friend had highly recommended. I walked in feeling more stressed than ever. Just walking through the doors to the locker room & starting to undress made my blood pressure go up. I was supposed to put on this big fluffy robe & saunter out to the waiting area...but stood frozen, looking at the robe thinking, What should I do? Leave them on or take then off? Yes, I’m talking a real panty dilemma here. Either way, I didn’t want to be rude. I took them off...no, didn’t feel right...on they went again along with the robe.

After what felt like hours in the waiting area (with other women...one of whom kept cramming the most darling looking tea sandwiches down her gullet & washing them down with water & a splash of lemon) my masseuse, Christopher showed up & called my name.

He was tall, blonde & thin with an either gay or arty air about him (sometimes it’s hard to tell). He pretty much herded me (honestly, it was more like a light shoving & I didn’t take that as a good sign) into a private little room. He did the ol’, “I’ll leave the room while you take your robe off & get under the sheet” thing & I did.

I still couldn’t relax because the room was set up for a bad seduction scene. The scented candles were lit, the walls were painted a creamy yellow, the sound of softly running water was coming from somewhere (relaxing no, pee inducing, yes). Christopher came back in.

I have to tell you, I didn’t have much hope of getting anything out of this massage from the way things had started but...about halfway through this ‘lurve fest’ he did this thing with his forearm on the small of my back (I dunno...something about the pressure of his weight into me) while he was pressing down on me...I involuntarily let out this...AAAAAAHHHHHH...sound, my body shook (& I’m not kidding) all the breath left my body (& my spirit flew...ok...now I’m kidding). Christopher looked a bit satisfied with himself...or smug (& I looked like Jello)...but I didn't care either way he was getting a big tip.

Next time (oh yes, there will be a next time) I’ll take the panties off & see where the day takes us (kidding...saw that coming...didn’t you?).

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