Have you ever stood in front of a full length mirror & been naked?

(I mean REALLY naked)

& have you really looked at yourself?

(I mean REALLY looked)

Why is it so scary? (to me at least).

I stood there looking at paleness.

I tried not to be self critical

Tried not to think that my ass is too big & my...(hey, I said I TRIED).

Damn, it was hard to stand there & not flinch.

I think part of the reason may be because so few of us think we live up to what's plastered everywhere in front of us as beautiful...but really...does that simple explanation even come close to skimming the surface of what my problem is here...um...probably not.

For me, I think it has to do with seeing all my negative qualities first. I'm not exclusively talking about physical things either. Being so naked & bare makes me see so many bad qualities in myself...but I won't list them here either.

Why do we (OK, maybe it's just me...but I don't think so) beat ourselves up so much when we do any naked, self-searching? (hmmm...things are sounding better already).

Try it...take everything off & stand in front of a long mirror...look for a while...what do you see? Tell me what you see past the insecurities & the surface stuff.

I recently watched Thinking XXX on HBO. Sort of a documentary of the photographer Timothy Greenfield -Sanders. His usual work is taking portraits. In this film he documents his taking clothed & naked portraits of porn stars. It really wasn't that insightful...but what I came away with was...damn, these people are comfortable being naked.

I realize with what these people sell for a living...they have to be more than a little bit disconnected...to do it...but how do they walk around a room of clothed people & be naked & not think a thing about it...let alone have sex on camera for a living? It can't be because they are that satisfied with who they are...can it? If they are that content...how can their souls not be cracked by doing what they are doing?