I was under the delusion that I could possibly run into Target quickly to pick up some cards. I thought I could run in & out & get on with my day. Why I thought that...is beyond me. Is every woman stricken with shopping ADD? I walked in & was hit over the head with those cute little bins that they smartly keep by the front door. You know the ones...they're filled with ribbons & polka dotted note cards & bath suds & I am immediately drawn in that direction. Yeah, then I'm thinking...I'm gonna need a cart after all. Next I try on about 27 tops because hey...they are only 9 bucks. When I say that none of them fit right...I'm being kind. I hate to sound like a snob (I'm not at all...ok, maybe just a little bit..but...one of my most favorite t-shirts came from Target...it's that great kind of extra soft cotton & it's girlie fitted & I love it)...but sometimes I think these mass produced Target tops could never fit anyone right. They are going for mass appeal here...I know...but when I tried on a top with an open square neck...the top fit me except for the fact that the neck hole was so big...it fell below my breasts & ended up looking not just obscene...but exhibitionistic...maybe it's a boob flashing top & it's meant to be that way & someone should have kindly thrown me some beads or something?

So...needless to say...no tops were keepers. When I moved on into the depths of the store, this women was on my heels screaming..."Anod!"...as I was guessing that was her lost kid's name...this little boy comes barreling out of the shoe aisle & almost takes me out at the knees. As cute as he was...I wanted to bop him on the noggin. He immediately ran off & his mother started screaming his name all the fuck over again. I said a silent prayer of thanks that they are not my neighbors...because this encounter was enough to last me a lifetime & I now not only fully believe in justifiable homicide...I think I'd embrace it.



I finally got to the card section (mind you, I'm leaving out the parts about the health & beauty aisles & my search for shaving cream...not gel...all they seemed to have was gel...& I'm not a fan...but I should really leave that part out entirely because this tale is way too long in the first damn place & I know that you couldn't give a damn...but if you are kind enough to have read this far in the first place...bless your little soul...now YOU'D be a gracious neighbor & I'd happily wish you to move in next to me...that is if you help me terrorize little Anod...oh...the fun we'd have).

All this is to say that I had to go back to Target the very day after this saga took place to return something I didn't even mention in this story (can you believe that I actually left something out & the story was still this long?). I STILL thought I could get only what I needed & leave. Nope. I found myself still in there after an hour...what the friggin hell?

Labels: Shopping