Is everyone starting the week with a vengeance? Not me...while I'm psyched that it's already Tuesday...I'm still sort of hanging loose from the weekend...sigh.

Didn't do much of consequence this long weekend...sort of celebrated the chance to breathe without many plans for once. You know when you're busy by choice & by other people's choices for about a billion weekends in a row...& it starts spilling out into your weeks too? Well, that's been the way it's been lately...but not this weekend.

Between all the other things that needed to get caught up on this weekend...we made time to go out to a posh restaurant (you know, the kind of restaurant that you usually save for an occasion or something...but this time I didn't feel like saving it...). I made Hubby pretty himself up (OMG...a tie was actually worn...gulp) & I got to wear my new favorite black strappy sandals (was it all an excuse just to wear them? nah.)

We dined on empanadas & steak (mine had the most wonderful avocado dressing on it...it was so good). We split a bottle of wine & the evening was off to a great start. The couple dinning across from us were odd though...the guy made a big deal about being cold...& when the host couldn't do much about it...he almost seemed to cry & try to put wife's sweater on...sorry, but I doubt I'd ever date anyone who could fit in my sweater (unless he had a cool profession like...jockey or something...even then..maybe not).

The best I could do today. Sorry for the aimless ramblings.

A friend of mine convinced me to read The Bell Jar. I gave him Catcher in the Rye to read & he gave me The Bell Jar. Both books are so informally written & unfussy in their language (just a pleasure to read). In the forward it's written..."the book has an immediacy of a letter just opened"...I agree with that sentiment completely. I felt like this story spoke to me about the big questions & how to sort through & relate to them (how to deal with life & inner demons & how to be true to yourself & figure out what it all means) & do it all with grace & humor & courage with lots of frailty thrown in.

I had preconceived notions about the book before I even picked it up. I told another friend that I was reading it & she gave me that look. She said something about it being depressing that she killed herself at the end of the story & I thought...she does? Then I started reading the book & from the start you know she doesn't...that she makes it through for a while & while her life ultimately ends sort of tragically...the book was so much more optimistic (& funny) than I thought it would be.

The way the story starts...with Esther obsessing about the upcoming electrocutions of the Rosenbergs pulled me right in...does everyone have thoughts like that that they can't shake? I was consumed with images of this silly bear cub that was running around frantically in Livingston the other day...they kept buzzing the poor soul in helicopters & trying to catch him & the whole thing got under my skin, upset me & refused to leave my head. Like she said...I'm stupid about electrocutions (cruelty).

This part was written just for me...she said selfishly & smiled:

"There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them...

Whenever I'm sad I'm going to die, or so nervous I can't sleep, or in love with somebody I won't be seeing for a week, I slump down just so far and then I say: "I'll go take a hot bath."

I meditate in the bath. The water needs to be very hot, so hot you can barely stand putting your foot in it. Then you lower yourself, inch by inch, till the water's up to your neck.

I remember the ceiling over every bathtub I've stretched out in. I remember the texture of the ceilings and the cracks and the colors and the damp spots and the light fixtures. I remember the tubs, too: the antique griffin-legged tubs, the modern coffin-shaped tubs, the fancy pink marble tubs overlooking indoor lily ponds...I never feel so much myself as when I'm in a hot bath."

Ever see the movie "Big Fish"?... my favorite scene is when Albert Finney is in the tub with all his clothes on...he's dying & he says that he's drying out. BATHS ...I'm telling you...there's PEACE there & it's nice to hear other people believe & feel this way too.

What I really appreciate about the book is the fact that she did not ever blame anyone for what was happening to her...she blames mental illness & acknowledges that other things were factors in both her downfall & her resilience.

Can you tell that I always loved writing book reports as a kid? Thanks to my friend for steering me towards this story...do you think I could have enjoyed it more?

This is an old pic of Johnny Damon (as a Redsox...damn it...he went to the dark side...but for an extra couple of million...what would you do? I'm not sure...myself). Anyway, see the catcher? I truly believe that's the most underrated position in baseball. They  have to squat like that for HOURS every game. Huh? How the hell do they do it?

I crouched in my garden like that while planting this weekend. It's Wednesday & my thighs still ache. I could have sat in the dirt...but I didn't want to get my ass dirty. How stupid was that?

The back of my thighs feel like someone took my muscles (which I didn't even know I actually had there...truly) & pulled them like taffy...then kept right on pulling. Pay me a few million bucks & sure...I'd crouch like that for a living...but damn...doing it for free sucks.

I watched The Preakness last Saturday. I cringed when Barbaro broke his leg. One of the jockeys said you could perceivably hear it break. After the race they showed the horse holding his right hind leg up off the track in pain. The vet said..."say a prayer for him".

I've been following his story because to me horses are peace & loveliness.



23 pins were inserted into his leg to repair damage so severe that most horses would not be able to survive it. 23! I hope this proud animal can survive this ordeal with minimum pain & suffering. He deserves a long life as a stallion in the hills of Pennsylvania.

That's all I got today...

My sister in law is a runner. This weekend she convinced me to go "jogging" with her. I was dead tired after about half an hour. She never stopped talking & was not out of breath even once. I got through it...barely. After I was done & freshly showered I began to feel sort of zenlike, possibly because I was doing what I was supposed to be doing on a warm cloudless spring day...if only for 28 minutes.

How lame-assed have I been lately? I'll answer that...what the hell was I thinking...staying away for so damn long? Geeeeeez. I missed you (I especially missed the one's who took the time to write & tell me they missed me back...you know who you are...you honeys).

That's a scarlet A...I'm no Hester Prim (I mean Prynne)...it's a chocolate A...because I've been away for so long...humor me...will you? Just this once? OK...I could totally ask again tomorrow...but still...

I know what you must be thinking...gee...thanks for coming back & being so utterly coherent...yeah...whatever.

OK...I explained the A part...but what about the chocolate part? Like I actually need an excuse to bring chocolate up. It was on my mind because I just went to a Starbuck's & they were making these sinful looking chocolate drinks. The girls behind the counter were laughing & dripping chocolate all over the place. I found myself mesmerized. I could not look away (I didn't even realize I was doing it). Um...they were wasting chocolate & it looked sooooo good. I said something about the crime of it all & how...maybe...they should lick the floor & not squander all that chocolate (but did I stop my insane rantings there...oh no...I let loose with something about it being a sin against nature & the inhumanity of it all)...they must have thought I was some kind of wacky religious zealot or something (& I am when it comes to my faith in the power of chocolate)...but they stopped anyway.



Other things getting me excited today? The new Apple Store is opening tonight. I'll try to make it to the opening for my free T & a chance to win a loaded MacBook...but who knows at this point.