(still don't know these people)

...this is what I want you to do to me today...

(No one I know)

...this is what I want to do to you today...

(5 Pumps by Mark Schwartz)

I've gotten several g-mail invites to view this guy's work.
I have to admit the subject line "Shoes as Idea"
...made it so I had to look.
See, that's what I always thought...shoes are art.

I can't link you to his site (seems to be by invite only)
...plus, he's got no prices listed...but here are a few samples:


(Flower by Mark Schwartz)


I don't want to feel a shoe; I want the shoe to become part of me.
~Leslie Browne

You want to fall in love with a shoe, go ahead. A shoe can't love you back, but, on the other hand, a shoe can't hurt you too deeply either. & there are so many nice-looking shoes.
~Allan Sherman

Happy Friday.

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Some days...
*
*
you need no excuse to put on cool shoes.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

I saved my score card from Saturday.
Since a couple of people have asked me what I liked
from my first adventure into wine tasting...I thought I'd share.
I wasn't sure anyone would give a flying fuck...
I'm touched that a few of you do (give a crap...that is).

What I like about wine (& art & books...you get the idea)
is that if you like a particular wine...you can't be wrong.

Here's what I liked:

Madfish Chardonnay (Australia)

This was served chilled & it was so damn refreshing that I almost couldn't stand myself while I drank it. It wasn't overly sweet...which is a problem with lots of white wines in my humble opinion (subtle hints of citrus made this wine taste fresh to me). I loved the label too (that shouldn't count...they told me...but I sometimes buy things because they have great artwork on their packaging).

Cornas Pascal Syrah (France)

I love a good full bodied red. Something that holds up to food well. This was served with baby lamb chops & when I tell you the combo was heaven...I'm not kidding. Just the smell of the lamb mixed with the heartiness of the wine was enough to make me forget the fact that I was the only one who noticed that So & So's cat was on the table eating off another guest's plate (I never told...eewww...cat germs).

Vin Santo 'Tegrino' (Italy)

This was my contribution...this is a dessert wine (after dinner drink sounds better, no?) & it's soooo good. I'll back this one with my whole self. It's sweet...but not overly so...maybe I'd say intense...instead. In any case, it's definitely a unique flavor & perfect for sipping after a great meal.
This isn't called the wine of the saints for nothing. Seriously, if you're in the mood to try something new...try this...just do it.

Years ago...
He told me he loved me...
He'd known me for exactly 3 weeks.

You don't really know me...
I said...
& after only 3 weeks...he couldn't know.

I think he wanted to love me
Which is sweet.

But not the same.

******************

...added later...that's not me...

How bad could an evening be if your glass is never empty?
It could actually keep getting better as the drinks kept coming.
The evening started off when we followed bro & sis in law to So & so's sister's house.
It was at the end of a dirt road
(they weren't kidding when they said that Mapquest couldn't get us there).
The house didn't turn out to be big...
But it seemed to squeeze the life out of charming &
if you looked with concentration, the skyline of Manhattan
could be seen through the trees in the backyard.
I got out of the car & mentally got ready to move in & stay forever.

So & so's sis welcomed us into her home like Martha Stewart but
without the bitchy, self important, condescending attitude.
The first thing I noticed about the rooms? Color.
The woman had an awesome sense of color.
Everywhere I looked were warm greens, reds & mustardy yellows.
On the walls hung big, splashy, colorful paintings.
I wanted to turn around & go immediately home & start redecorating.

Bro in law got the festivities started with a bang by reading
descriptions of the wines we'd be tasting.
Instantaneously I was hit with an attack of the giggles.
(Hubby kicked me while trying to make a stern looking face
but I knew his patience with the whole thing would soon be gone).

I made it to the fourth wine before I started throwing around my wine words
like...complexity, crispness, something about nose & earthiness.
The more I drank, the more of a complete wine idiot I became.

Then came time for the dessert wines.
They were served with chocolates & that's when I lost all interest
in the wines & got stuck on the chocolates.

Hubby & I got invited to a party.
It took a very long e-mail to explain the rules of the party.
I usually don't like parties that need explaining.
Must have been during a weak moment when I said...yes...to this thing:

**************************

Dear Chick & Hubby,

We would like to invite you to a wine tasting party.

Saturday, January 21st @ 7pm
at the home of so & so's sister
someone we don't actually know
(but I hear she has a big ol' impressive house).

There will be 18 people invited.
Each couple will be asked to bring 1 type of wine (2 bottles), not to exceed $15 per bottle & a snack to go with the food (i.e. cheese or dessert, etc.).

In order to avoid overlapping choices, we split the party into 3 groups of 3 couples each & assigned geographical regions. Each group will provide a white wine, red wine, & dessert/port wine from the geographic region assigned (Explain it to me slowly...with a straight face...'cuz you know...I'm an idiot...after all).

Our group must provide a wine from one of the following areas: (South America, South Africa).
The other groups will represent Central Europe (France, Italy, Germany) & the South Pacific (Australia, New Zealand).

Score cards will be provided so everyone can judge each wine (they're kidding, right?).

Should be really fun, taste some great wines, & mingle with fun people (can I get a score card to rate the people too, please? Now THAT would be FUN).

Please RSVP me ASAP (acronym me...baby).
Once you have actually purchased a wine, please let me know the following information so I can prepare a brief background card (I think a fucking spread sheet would be the way to go here...background card?! This might be too much for me to handle).


Warmly,
Bro in law

**************************

I'll let you know how it went if I survive it.
I'm feeling like an 80 year old accountant with pretentious wine tastes who sips wines, swirls them around in my mouth, then spits it out with a flourish & delivers condescending pronouncements about bouquet, fruitiness & complexity.

Snobby pants city...here I come...



...I may look something like this by the time the evening is finally over (let's hope it's from the wine & not the boredom).

Suck it in, baby...

I had this weird dream last night
I was in some church & everyone
was trying to make me drink red wine
from the same communal cup.

If I have no desire to swirl my tongue
around insides of the mouths of
the entire holier than thou Christian flock
(or whoever these damn people were)
I ain't drinking out of the same stinkin cup either...eeewww.

I took this picture at the last Redsox game of the season
last year...great view, huh?

*****************************

...added later...just because...

"She felt that her whole life was some kind of dream
& she sometimes wondered whose it was
& whether they were enjoying it."
~Douglas Adams

I just discovered that my cell phone can record video.
The dork in me immediately took over.
Here's my first (very bad) attempt at a video.

This is Hubby getting into the car after getting his precious coffee.
See how thrilled he is at my discovery?!

(Try to ignore my finger in front of the lens at first).

This site has been working...then going down...then working again...I hope it works for you.

Update (noonish):

I think I may have fixed it...

Do you tell your significant other about your past partners?
Do you want to know the details about their old flames?
(Conquests, bitches, one night stands...whatever).

Hubby doesn't seem to want to know about my past relationships
He never asks (although he was oddly interested
in an old college boyfriend's football playing stats).

He won't give up any info about any of his old flames
(So...I've pieced together a time line & other bits of interesting info
with the help of his friends & his sisters...gotta love a man with sisters).

I was asked (tagged even) by Sheets to reveal five weird habits about myself & share them here. OK...since he aksed (don't you hate when people say that when they really mean...asked?) so nicely...I'LL DO IT:

1. I don't have any of those acronym disorders (that I know of...no OCD or ADHD) but I do have silly things I do a certain number of times (always the same number)...but I'm not going to tell you what they are (what fun am I?) & I do have insane bursts of energy like an ADD freak sometimes.

2. I always have to put my right sock on, then my left, then my right shoe, then my left...Hubby puts on one sock, then one shoe...how can he stand having on shoe & sock on...while the other foot sits there naked? Plus, one shoe will be on much longer than the other...ack...how unbalanced is that?

3. I always dance a little jig in elevators when I'm alone...every time.

4. I have a passion for primal screams (I do this alone just to spare others the horror of it all)...really clears your frustrations for the day.

5. I'm a messy neat person...kind of...everything in my universe is usually in it's well organized place...unless I need it...or will need it in a hurry...or I just left it out to annoy my anal retentively neat Hubby.

I'm not going to tag anyone...but please DO IT...& let me know that you did...you'll honor me so with your actions.

Happy HNT...

Can you guess?

(So many people have asked us to guess
What part(s) we were looking at
So here's my try at it).

(OK...that's not me...or my kitchen...but I found it & it illustrates my story well...although I'm proud of myself for not actually fainting.)

As I was cleaning up from dinner last night...I opened the dishwasher & screamed. On the right side of the inside wall of the dishwasher was a colossal-super-sized spider. Ugh. He froze right where he was & so did I. He stood there considering me...I remained rooted to my petrified spot. Eeek...all that black, furry ugliness beaming up at me was just about too much to take in.

I know this is one of those irrational fears that shouldn't be given in to...but damn it...he had the element of surprise on his stinking side. I was tired & not fully functional...I'd had a long day...I wasn't in the mood for creepy crawly surprises...I just wasn't.

I jammed the fork that I was holding...into the dishwasher, slammed the door shut & pressed the fraidycatsissygirlbutton on the dishwasher...I've never used it before (I swear).

I'm sure he swirled about in there with the lone fork & all that hot (soapless...no time for soap) water. I'm hoping that he's a goner...because if he's not...he's going to be pissed for sure.

If I'm brave enough...I'll open it up when I get home & check for signs of fury & life in there.

Wish me luck.

Jane never wears dresses
She wore one today
As she walked by
I heard my coworker say
Nice yams
I lost it
COMPLETELY
I said
I think you meant
GAMS
(lame ass)
I may have hurt myself
Laughing

I panicked in traffic this morning
This is not like me in the least.
I usually take out a healthy dose of man eating
AGGRESSION
While driving
God-damn it, I do
I was passing a sloooow trucker
(On the right)
I suddenly feared
I'd run out of road
I jammed my breaks
He couldn't stop
I couldn't go
Why'd I freeze?
I had enough road
I switched from break to gas
& he ate my dust.

I entered the ladies room ready to do what I had to do & get on with life (that's what women do...we don't take the entire Sunday New York Times in there with us to read...like I've seen other genders do...we just don't). I went into the first stall & out of the corner of my eye I noticed shoes in the next stall...ugly shoes. Fine, whatever, I'm cool with it all...but then I hear a voice coming from above the hideous shoes. At first I thought she was speaking to me (not really bathroom etiquette...but that's only a smallish break in the rules...if you ask me) then I began to realize that she was talking to someone in the stall with her...but like I said...only one pair of feet were visible...WTF?!

I started to panic & rush...till I realized no one was answering her...she was either an insane bitch or...she had a cell phone in there with her. Which do you think is worse? I'm not sure. As I stood at the sink getting ready to wash my hands...I heard my crazy bathroom companion blather on & on about spread sheets & marketing reports.

Think any of that could have...you know...like...waited till she was done DOING HER BUSINESS?! The person she was talking to had to have heard me flush....don't ya think? I'd be so pissed (exactly) if I were on the other end of the phone & I figured out how she was attempting to multitask.

I went back in & flushed three more times for good measure.

...& I swore I'd never post my ass...

Maybe some more gym time will allow me to button those jeans again...

I tried to watch this show a couple of nights ago. I'd seen one episode before & the plot seemed interesting. I thought the show was about a wife & mother who had a psychic gift. The show had a great dynamic between the husband & wife, they'd fight & solve problems in a real feeling way.

During the first three minutes of the episode I just almost watched the other night...a girl's car broke down at night on the side of the road (always a bad sign...I know...but I kept right on watching anyway)...the girl gets picked up by what appears to be a helpful female stranger (why not get in the car with her, right?) (here's fucking why)...who ends up zapping her with a stun gun (as if that's not completely bad enough) she then ties her to a chair in a dark basement, then starts carving patterns into her captive's face (IN THE FIRST 3 MINUTES?!).

At this point, my stomach seized up & I changed the channel...but I couldn't get that horrible image (or queasy feeling) out of my brain. I tossed & turned that night, trying to sleep, but that morbid, freaky image of the girl with the carved up face kept entering my dreams.

Why do people get into watching disturbing, creepy crap like this? Explain it to me (I'm so curious I could actually puke...no kidding)...because it must be popular...judging by the amount of scary, mutilated, carnage out there that's supposed to serve as entertainment.

What a wonderful charity.

Milagro (Miracle) is a charitable foundation started by The Carlos Santana Family. The foundation supports underrepresented & underprivileged children & youth in the areas of arts, education & health. But wait...it gets better...The Brown Shoe Company & Carlos Santana have worked together to bring you “Carlos by Carlos Santana” footwear.

The shoes reflect the same passion & energy that is generated by Santana’s music. A portion of the proceeds from the sale of this footwear will be donated to the Milagro Foundation. Hold on one second...what was that? I can buy shoes AND donate to charity at the same freakin time? I think they might be on to something here...plus, the shoes are so funky & cool that someone like myself might (will) actually covet them.



”Carlos Santana is more than a name for the brand. Although Carlos does not design the footwear himself, he is part of the design process. The interpretation of the multi-cultural, colorful imagery that surrounds Santana’s music brings the shoes to life. Carlos is also involved through his Milagro Foundation, which benefits organizations around the world to assist children in the areas of arts, education & health. From each purchase of Carlos footwear, a portion is donated to the Milagro Foundation. www.milagrofoundation.org.”



Some of the grants given fund some pretty creative & awesome ideas:

Shoot Cameras Not Guns, an education project designed to use photography to speak about how they experience violence in their communities.

Provide professionally trained assistance dogs to children with disabilities nationwide.

A pre-school garden & nutrition program to combat obesity.

Provide grief counseling for children and youth who lose a parent. Also included is support for Camp Rainbow, a camp for grieving children.

In an effort to reach more under served populations, a mobile clinic, complete with a fully equipped exam room is staffed by volunteer Pediatricians, medical assistants, & interpreters.

So, which ones should I buy?